I’m thinking of doing it again anyway… another night of this. I was supposed to go out with my friend Em but she is ignoring my messages. She and Essie are probably at the party already. Why was I even looking forward to this? I hate being social – but I crave it. A duality that leaves me writhing and bitter and alone.
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It’s a weird ambivalence. I have the same problem — I think, maybe, it’s a wanting for something from socializing that never seems to materialize? Whatever the hell it is, it sucks.
i kno where your at. but i dont know where i am. Ive become socially outgoing as of late, But it seems i am constantly trying to simultaneously closedown. Fuck everyone. i am all alone even after iv chilled with people looking back im still alone. It doesnt matter. I feel like crying out for help but i dont want anyone to listen