I’ve done too much to go on…

I know how you feel. About 4 years ago I was addicted to cocaine and alcohol. I tried to stop several times and even forged checks from my fiance at the time and cheated on her while drunk. I went to rehab and got sober in Florida. I recommend it if you have insurance. There area a lot of good rehabs out there, just make sure they are 12 step based. Getting sober will help you mend the relationship with your wife and family. I left my fiance because even after getting sober we still fought all the time and I could not forgive myself yet for cheating on her. My serious advice is to listen to what you would learn there and do what they tell you right away. I just packed up and moved up to Boston for a new job as a driver for a freinds company. I didn’t stay on meds, stopped going to AA meetings, and stopped going to therapy. Because of this I got addicted into something else, tattoos. Sounds crazy but we as addicts will always find a replacement addiction if we don’t seek help for the underlining issues that started the substace abuse. I now have two sleeves one all christian related and the other a koi fish tattoo because everyone told me they represent living through extreme hardship. I am thinking of killing myself over the tattoos, crazy huh. People where I live are upper middle class tight asses and look at me like I’m a weird person. I also am scared about finding a good paying job. My point is you can get sober and make things right with your wife and kids. I know so many guys in AA that followed the program and have happy lives today still married and their kids love them so much. It would hurt them so much more to lose you!! Imagine the dad you will be if you get sober. Money is frustrating because we need it to survive, but you can make it back. I have a college degree but am delivering pizzas because of my tattoos, so depressing. But don’t hurt yourself, get to an AA meeting at least raise your hand and say I need help. But rehab is the best way to go…