kil me shoot me please me

I am a moron i have been choking wile people on sp chat told me to astop i really need it though i wann go numb i to,ld jessica my pposter partner i learned to deal with my depressiion that is not really tru i just try to but dont really know

sorry weeping angile im not lisening i waNT to but i cant just sit here and hope it will fget better while my hands barely do anything but write simle…. simple words on a piece of paper or typing i cant really do much with that. i dont care about spelling now cant fucos i wish i could ahbve a heart attack now and die, with my room in the next room with paper thick walls here in california she wouldnt want to have to carry my 17 year old male weeak body to the hospital to try to revive me

it would cost losts of mony anyways for the hospital bill…

I will slow down and avoid choking for now…  I want to die but i cant really do it without any proper plan of acttion… I hope i can tie a good hangman knot and do that, but not sure, i would love to dangle… love is evil… wish i couldnt love i feel only pain and lo nimg longing for love but then i like pain too but love an heartbreak are extreme pain and i can only hate myself for it… i flirt throught text a lot bu i am very lonelu i dated my cousin and thought i loved her but then everyone said it wasnt real love and she broke up with me i felt reallpain how is it not real love?Is it really only my OCD if i even have it acting up and trying to make me obsess over girls… my mind is so seriously fucked up im a waste of space…

Let me ask you, whats better? Living just to go insane ad not be able to do anything or die and avoid being a lifeless walking mass? Either way i will be in a way dead. Why the fuck not? Should I allow everyone around me say no to an end to my suffering? whats a good alternative to death? At this rate is death not a viable option? I tried waiting and i reached 17 and a half are you going to punish me with advice that says to wait longer? Why should i wait longer im very gullible and this is a persons life we’re talking about. Why continue? Cuz of the happy moments somehow outweighing the bad ones? My mind is too fucked up yesterday i heard the voices again and cried a lot i cried for a good hour then fell asleep. io was afraid of sleep cuz i didnt want to dream abou girls or else i will wake up depressed…

I hate life, absolutely.  I hope theres people reading. So if there is i say thanks for reading. If no one is reading then fuck you all… bye