Am I stupid for cutting myself? Am I weird because I want to die? I’m not one of those people that can talk freely to someone about all my problems, I’m would rather deal with it all myself… The other night, I had completely shredded my wrist in the shower, a couple days later my Mum saw them, and went off at me for it… I got the whole “This is bad Tamara, you need help, because your clearly not dealing with this… You need to go to a Shrink and deal with all this shit” speech… I know that she was probably just worried, but it’s my way of making the pain and depression go away, because it distracts me from all the other pain in my life… I wish she could understand what it’s like and I wish she would just drop it… Because it’s only making it worse…
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3 comments
Stupid? No. Though there are better ways to get a release of emotions. Weird? Yes. What’s wrong with being weird?
You aren’t really stupid for cutting yourself, and i wouldn’t call it weird, i would call it diferent, we are all diferent in 1 way or another so, doesn’t really matter, i also have that problem ,atleast talking face to face about my problems so i just avoid and keep it for myself, even though i also cut myself oftenly,i have to face it, it really wont help in a long term, just in that moment.
about your mom, she is just worried, we all know that ppl that have never been through this cant understand, and we just have to deal with that…hope you get better soon
Loved ones don’t like you to cut yourself, because it’s “out in the open”, as everyone can see that you have internal conflicts. If you poison yourself with alcohol and/ or drugs, you can get much more enveloped in your internal destruction, before loved ones intercede. I’m not suggesting that you drink or do drugs, I’m just saying that it’s ridiculous how society reacts to things.
If the cutting is being done to release adrenaline and endorphins to ease the emotional pain, might I suggest another method that is just as intense, but leaves no evidence for your parents to ***** about. Get ice cubes from your freezer, squeeze them in the palms of your hands for about five minutes. The “freezer burn” on your skin can be just as intense as cutting or burning yourself and the “evidence” is hardly noticeable and usually unidentifiable. You also don’t have to worry about infection, as with cutting.
I hope you find other ways of dealing with your problems, but at least with the ice, you don’t leave obvious evidence. Evidence of cutting can be used to have you hospitalized against your will, so be careful. I would suggest arranging an appointment with your family physician to discuss medication or therapy, for dealing with your emotions. Don’t ever mention that you currently have thoughts of hurting yourself or others. Your doctor, parents, law enforcement, teachers, counselors etc., can all have you hospitalized against your will, if you do.