Getting help sucks sometimes.

So yeah went to the councelling session today. I didn’t cry, go me. She insists on telling me how brave i am to have overcome this this and this, as always. Sometimes i think she just doesn’t know what to say to me. We talked about the fact that my education is a shambles. She suggested i should aim towards a degree in youth work, because of how i’ve always been so focused on helping others. That i should be aiming towards a caring profession. Social work and psychiatry is a no no, but if teaching isn’t going to work out for me then i should aim towards youth work and be a councellor. I might look into it. No idea how i’d ever get there since i’ve no A-levels but considering my vast experience with youth workers and councellors…all of these things are looking unlikely but i can’t stay in media so i’ve got to pick something.

She doesn’t like the fact that i’ve taken up self harming again. I didn’t want to tell her but she specifically asked so…

Anyway. Another doctor’s appointment on Friday. They’re going to be fed up looking at me soon. I wouldn’t even know where to start, because i’ve never had this doctor before and i dunno what to say to him. Not looking forward to it, but i just want this crap to end 🙁 i don’t even care how anymore. If this situation has a positive outcome that isn’t death, then i’ll take it. If death is what i’m left with, i’ll take it. I just want peace.