I don’t know why I let myself fail to the point that I do. I know I can put more effort into bettering my life but every time I try putting forth any effort I am only met by failure and worthlessness. I am unable to even comply with basic day to day situations sometimes and I need to trudge through it knowing that it is only me myself who is keeping me back. I’m being pushed through a hole of the wrong shape to fit in with everything so extremely fake around me, yet had this been a different world my inferiority would have killed me off ages ago.

It is obvious I am going to just continue floating on, a passenger to life. I would like to find enjoyment out of the little things but sometimes that is so hard when you know your own existence is useless. Struggling with such mundane things makes me feel so very weak, which only worsens the hate. I am afraid. I don’t know who I am. I want there to be nothing. I think I am too afraid to do anything, and too weak to ever do anything. My life is good now, I have nothing to complain about. Whenever it turns to hell, I wont be able to handle it anymore.