It’s a weird feeling. The first few days just felt hectic. Bit sick, but nothing too bad. Woozy more than anything. It seems to have stopped now though.
The side effects seem minimal so far. I can’t stop yawning. For hours after i take it, i yawn constantly. And feel a bit high, like my stomach is floating and i’m kind of doing a space walk. Been zoning in and out alot, not thinking about anything in particular but just staring into space. Other than that and mild sickness, things seem good on that front.
The biggest change is my mood. I seem incapable of negative thought. I feel groggy and meh still, but i seem incapable of lingering on anything negative. It’s hard to explain. Like if i sat down and actually tried to think about death, it’s almost like i can’t bring myself to do it. Like i haven’t the energy, or i get distracted. Like there’s so many other things i’d rather be doing so i just don’t do it. Despite that, i still seem to be getting compulsions to hurt myself. I still keep scratching my arms, and i found myself banging my head against a wall without even realising it when i was leaning against it. And i’ve been chewing the inside of my mouth to an extent where there’s cuts everywhere and it keeps bleeding. I don’t mean to do it, i just find myself doing it.
But on the upside i don’t feel like throwing myself infront of a car. At the minute anyway. Early days still. Being kept a close eye on. I didn’t think i’d see any improvement this quick, i was expecting maybe after a month or so but not a week. It’s making me think maybe this is a calm-before-the-storm period. We’ll see. It’s still a struggle to get out of bed in the morning but as of right now, outlook is a little bit brighter than usual.
6 comments
The upside is good.
Where you go.
When your down.? Got a place.
How you describe it is exactly the same as my experience of citalopram. For me it was tired without being tired. It’s the first medication the doctors give you. In terms of improving mood I reckon it’s one of the most effective medications. I found that eventually it would level off. As far as side effects are concerned they are at there worst to begin with then you get used to it. Even if you discontinue and it could be 10 years afterwards you start taking them again you won’t experience the side effects. It’s like the body remembers.
Most of the compulsions you speak of, are due to the increase in energy you body is getting. That is why the warning on many anti-depressants is an increased rick of suicide. It’s because those who don’t want to put the effort into thinking better, and just medicate to feel better, then have the energy and physical motivation to act out their bad thinking habits. Stay positive, find something creative/productive to put that energy into, and you’ll maximize your benefits. You’ll get the sense of accomplishment on top of the medication, and counseling. Take care…..
You speak sense, child of abandon 😛
the medication is not a fix, its a tool to stabilize and remedy your mood, so you can begin to truly fix yourself and the situations you are in (essentially excluding severe depression and manic depression, unless they are caused habitually)
finding something to do, making real progress are what they are designed to help with, they will never be a fix.
Thank you, Thank you… I seek refuge in information, the written word, and helping others.. so I’ve fallen for this site.
(side note: Abadon and Sheol are the lower places, Scripturally being both places and people, they preceded hell. That, and I like the way it sounds. I actually noticed earlier today that the name might cause some confusion. But I guess either way works 🙂 )