The girl who seemed unbreakable, finally broke.
The girl who seemed so strong, finally fell and crumbled.
The girl who always laughed, finally cried.
The girl who never stopped trying, finally gave up…
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What happened? :/
…life happened.
How old is this girl.?
You’re still here so you haven’t given up yet.
17, yo.
Scar, I’m so close to…
What made you give up? Surely it wasn’t just “life” or you would have left a long time ago.
Your 17 TEEN word. By the way i hate it. Been A teen. I allso hate been a Auit to. But you got more freedom. it can work. Try. What you say.?
Everyday I’m just realizing how unhappy I am. I HATE MY LIFE. I hate everything about my life. I hate myself. I hate my parents. I’m fucking WORTHLESS. People I thought I can go to, turn their backs on me. I just wasn’t cut out for the whole “living” thing. I fail at living.
Trust 20’s can get better.
Donnie, I have been trying and it’s getting me no where.
20’s is definitely better you can get into casino’s night clubs, strip clubs. Worth hanging around for.
Ok off yourv self now.?
Your what 17. Give me 20 year’s tyhen off you. or 15 not better say jump
You hate yourself? I’m almost certain there’s no good reason for that. Everyone who is depressed thinks they’re worthless, but it’s only because being worthless makes it easier to give up. You’re not worthless. Whatever problems you have with your parents can be avoided after you turn 18. Like donnie said you’ll have more freedom then.
What fun is that shit when your alone?…
Life happens to everyone, you are still here so you’re not yet broken beyond repair, you have not completely fallen yet and you are still here so you have yet to give up. Life will only kill you if you allow it to, deep down you still have that drive and determination and endless potential to show the world what you’re worth. You’re still here and as defeated as you feel, you are still fighting. I know it doesn’t seem like much, because I know how fragile it feels, like you don’t know how long you’ll be able to hang on for, but just take comfort from the fact that you’ve come this far and you will go further if you allow yourself to. You can do this, you’re not defeated or broken, you are not past the point of repair. It can still all happen for you, all the moments you wish would come, all of the happiness you dream of feeling, the smile being genuine, the tears ceasing… you can do this if you allow yourself to. You have the potential for so so so much, try not to waste that opportunity on thinking you’re broken and defeated when really you’ve only just got started. Seriously, you can do this. In the words of the Arthur theme tune – ‘Believe in yourself and that’s the place to start’
Ok just it out 29. Feel the same do it.
You won’t be alone forever.
Scar, It’s not just my parents though, it’s everything. I’m fading, becoming invisible.
Donnie, what?
Why not.?
@ Nobody Donnie means wait and see whether your life improves. If you get to a certain age and still think life isn’t worth living then the option is still there
Don’t off your self. If you would do it on like a wesday. I would be better. You get me.?
@NotReallyHereAtAll i’ve thought about posting that song so many times. I hear it everyday playing in the other room around 4:00. It’s a great song.
@Nobody like Duke said, you won’t be alone forever. Someone will hold onto you and keep you from fading away.
It’s like I’m watching my life happen.
…if that makes any sense.
Everytime there’s hope, it gets crushed.
I shouldn’t have to TRY and live my life, living should be a natural thing, damnit.
@Scar yeah, it only just came to me and I was like thinking if the words and it has to be one of the most hopeful, encouraging uplifting songs ever: ‘open up your eyes, open up your ears, get together and make things better by working together, it’s a simple message and it comes from the heart, believe in yourself and that’s the place to start’ 😀
@Nobodyy, that just depends on your own personal ideas and ideals about life, though, you can choose to believe that life and happiness and feeling alive should be natural and effortless, or you can choose to see life as something that isn’t easy and as a struggle with a purpose, you can put faith in the idea that one day in future, round the corner or in the distance, you might look back and realise that after everything, you’re living a life that feels safe and natural. And like the others have all said, if your life feels wrong, you have a year at the most of being tied to your current situation. Once you’re 18 you are free to go wherever you please, anywhere on this earth. That’s quite amazing, right? Think of all the possibility and potential and things you might find! Read ‘The Places You’ll Go’ by Dr Seuss for a bit.
Life is a struggle for everyone. It’s inevidable that we’ll get knocked down a few times, but you’ll never reach whatever goals you have in life if you stay down now. By struggling to live you’ll end up a stronger person when you finally do make it.
I don’t know, i’m not you. Perhaps your looking in the wrong places. It’s easy to identify aspects of your life that you would like to change because no one is perfect. We live in a world where our freedom is determined by others but that’s often not the issue.
It just sucks that I’m surrounded by darkness. The only means of happiness I had was cutting. 10 days sober…I, trying, but eventually I need to feel again. I’d rather endure physical pain than emotional pain.
Anxiety?
Its like a private battle Going on inside my head….
My mind says, “Use the razor.â€
My heart says, “Live instead.â€
You can’t cut away your problems forever, and the scars from cutting will be there forever making your life harder.
I don’t know, does it ever relent. If you can remember a time in your life when you didn’t have these feelings then that might give you hope that it won’t persist
Until I run out of skin….
Guys, this is how I feel. 🙁
Let me take the razor off your hands?
…want it? I have more.
If everything in your environment was just the way you wanted it, would you still cut or is that just something you are able to identify
I’d give up anything for a sharp knife or razor…wish i still have my forever sharp knife…havent cut in a month…need to so badly..
If at least something was the way I wanted, I would have less of a reason to cut.
Cutting is like a drug.
I cut. (Taking the drug)
I bleed. (Getting the high)
Feeling the pain. (Coming down)
Now that it’s over, I want more…just like someone who takes drugs, they want more.
ATE, I’m 10 days…I’m proud of you.
I’m not proud. I’m in pain.
Me too…more pain than anyone can see.
u.u….i have to go see my therapist tomorrow….i dont know what im gonna say….i feel so gawd awful
I see mine Friday…and I have decided that I’m gonna say nothing, I don’t trust him, therefor I will not talk to him. He doesn’t know I cut, he doesn’t know I’m suicidal, and he doesn’t know the degree of my depression.
Mine knows I cut and am suicidal. Well obviously she knows cuz they contact ur doctors when u get locked up in a hospital XD…..she hasnt seen me since….may or june?
Oh man, good luck hun..
u.u….fuck my life maybe ill get locked up again…
I hope everything goes okay. How did your counselor know you cut?
Nobody get like we sain. Dont off your self. Not yet anway.
Therapists are people too…which means some of them are gonna be assholes. If you don’t trust yours, maybe you should look for a new one that you can be honest with?
So, I should wait…?
u.u….i told them when i first started cuz i was trying to get help….now i dunno…no one checks me and stuff but i wish my family didnt know or that my mom hadnt told my whole damn family even my cousins know im a crazy ass suicidal person..
Cause. what’s the rush.? 20’s Can you make it.
? Or you like a flake.?
ATE, that’s exactly what I’m afraid of. Only my brother and two friends know. My brother found out because one day I cut too deep and passed out. I woke up to him balling and. Taking care of me. I’m such a horrible sister…..
Donnie, idk…
Brother’s & sitter’s never get on.
I know all about addictions. I think that every addiction can be overcome eventually but you have to want that.
I do want it, that’s why today is número 10. It’s just EXTREMELY hard.
Yeah I know but the longer you can go the easier it will become as you start to forget what it felt like.
Yeah in my life almost everyone knows….when i returned to school after disappearing for a month everyone kept asking where I was….i only told two friends…one cuz she knew i had depression the other cuz she wouldnt take no for an answer. Just about everyone knows now though…it bothers me…i feel so…like a freak at a circus show. And i remember you said that. Ur not a horrible sister.
I’m trying…but my mind just is stuck of the relieve cutting brought, ya know?
butter fly project. Can you draw.
There must be another substitute out there that you can think of. Doesn’t the horror of seeing your scars shock you into realising that this isn’t something you out to be doing. Isn’t talking about it making it worse. For example when people talk about smoking being wrong and bad for your health it mostly makes me want to light on up.
You like BOB.?
I hate that I cut, and I hate to admit it…so yes.
When I look at my scars, I just wanna cry. :'( like how can I be okay with this?..
Donnie, yes I draw.
u.u….i like my scars….they remind me that i is alive!!!
With so many people doing it you’d think they would have some sort of specialist support out there. I haven’t looked into it. The first step is true; you already accept that there’s a problem
Can you talk to a Dr.
But the thing is….the more I realize how unhappy I am, the more I cling to cutting,
Buy the way i’m never going tio chat with you. D.r your choise.
*feels ignored*
Your worrying too much
Hey, try your best…Even though you have no one by yourside, you have us here. Let wait 1 or 2 years more. If life doesn’t improve then you could jump off without regret right?
Don’t you all frequent the chat site?
Ok cut. What can ido.? Get help or die. Like a Dr.?
Dobnnie why are you here.? Cauae i’m going to kill my self.
I’M pissed. later
Donnie, I like your opinion.
Duke, what?
ATE, I get what you mean about your scars…
Genius, I guess..
Lookin for some At.
Sucker.
There’s a chat site where former SP users hang out.
I think you should become preoccupied with something you enjoy (don’t say you don’t enjoy anything) and it will take your mind off it.
You got some 76.
Duke, I’m apart of that chat. But there’s so many conversations going on, it’s nice to talk to non-chat users.
Duke why youngoing allway’s about chat. There bare 2 suck’d facebook. Anber. or ******. Do ******. Shit. facebook Amber. or ask her. She’s still here.
The chat i created is for current and former and any type of sp members. Although i have to admit the chat is a bit of monster and i regret creating it somedays but sometimes people need to joke around and stuff.
Oh and nobody i forgot what u said. Urm something about scars…idk im scared of tomorrow if i say whats on my mind they might hospitalize me…now that im an adult who knows how long they’ll keep me
I know what you mean. Do you have any hobbies
@ donnie – I’m going on about it because you always get people on here complaining that they have no one to talk to or are lonely. I’m just letting them know that there is a place where people like to talk a lot.
What about suicide. Ok joke. Movies tv muisic. Or are you a rainman.
ATE, see..I’m afraid of that too. I hope your okay though…
Duke, I draw, listen to music, idk…I’m a random person,
Well, when you feel like cutting you should do something like that until the feeling passes
What Duke. Can you like card count.? Do you get it.? Tom curise 88. You like it.
Ur afraid of being locked away? :c I’m okay tonight….i think yeah im fine for now :l
Duke, I will try.
ATe, yah I am…that’s why I’m nervous about talking to him…
@ Donnie yes, of course I can card count but it doesn’t help me very much
Well I only know about what happens in california which is teens are kept for 3 days minimum if they are determined unsafe and then kept extra days depending on what doctors determine. Some kids get out after three days some kids are so messed that they stay for a month or more…i got out in 5 days both times in between i went to a group home for teens in crisis…it sucked dont ever go to one… :L
…how old are you?
I recently turned 18 this year. After all the mess of hospitalizations…now im an adult and im afraid…i dont know what they do to adults…and ima fraid of being locked up with adults…how will i make friends? there wont be any kids near my age to talk to…scary…
…if you wanna get better, it’s a risk you gotta take. Just remeber that the people you would meet are just like you…just like US.
u.u…..i know but they’re jokes will be all old timey….they’re gonna be talking about kids or jobs….me…i dont have any of that (well i do need a job…) I dunno im scared…and i dont really want to get better…i just feel safe in hospitals…i dont know why most people on here hate hospitals..
I think it’s the fact that their big secret is out, know what I mean? And well hun, if you do get put in there..just think about this..
Your not even 20 yet, you still have your whole life to get better for you future kids (if you want any). And those “old timers” in there, well they have already started their life. Make sense?
I dont want to grow old though :L And my lifes not really going anywhere…and no i dont get what ur saying..
Hm, I have always been a terrible explainer…
I guess I’m just really not in the position to give out advice when I’m the same way, I feel the same way as you…
If you’re still alive to read this Nobodyy, tell me. I may have some advise to give…
Hey quiet…
to Somebodyy…
“It’s like I’m watching my life happen.
…if that makes any sense.
Everytime there’s hope, it gets crushed.
I shouldn’t have to TRY and live my life, living should be a natural thing, damnit.”
Life was never meant to be easy, no one ever promised that. It sucks but it’s true. It is however meant to be experienced. We are human BEINGS… please, take some time to relax. Just BE. try to experience the little things: warm soap and water flowing over your hands, a soft blanket, your hair tickling your face…. etc etc.. close your eyes and feel them as for the first time. It’s better than cutting every time. I Promise….. and I gave up making promises I can’t keep.
Somebody? Whose that..
COA, I will try, no promises though.
You are “somebody”… Because I’ll be an ass and refuse to call you “nobody”…. and I haven’t permission to use your name, or nickname. I only ask that you follow through with trying… I know that trick. I’ve said I’d try just to give it my weakest attempt, and fail on purpose… I’m stubborn and stupid… don’t be like me. Give it an honest effort. You’ve got more to live for than you can see from the place you’re standing.
I give you permission.
I do? And what do I have to live for? I’m SRTUGGLING to find out…
Also, I don’t have to fail on purpose, it’s something that comes natural.
Yeah, that’s what I thought too… until i realized that it was my attitude that determined my results.
IE: think you’re going to miss a shot, and you will.
AND at the same time, you’ve already set up, and accepted your excuse.
You are beautiful, (I’ve seen the picture, and you admitted that guys want to be with you), but beyond physical, I know I already mentioned that you have a gift for the written word, and for people of our generations, that is becoming increasingly rare.
You are intelligent, Both by your content and your context, you betray your gifts.
I know how it is to deceive oneself. I’m well versed in the art. It keeps me second guessing every day. But the second guessing also keeps me accountable. If i take the moment to question myself, I might finally find out who I am…. because I’ve only ever been who everyone wants me to be, and in turn I hate who I am, because I’m not true to me.
SO. I do not hold your comments against you. You truly do not see you features, because you’re focused on your faults. Take those moments and see with new eyes. Start fresh. Each moment of life is both a beginning and an end, and there will never be another like it.
Savor it.
..I feared up reading this.<3
To be honest, no one has really ever told me what you just did, thank you. And I mean it, thanks.
I do realize I'm a very pessimistic person, or so it seems.
I, I'm speechless…
I know I need to work on things, it'd just my depression consumes me alot of the time, so it's hard to look at life differently.
I know EXACTLY how you feel.
The last few months of my life (a stage which I hope never to return to) have held so many blessings, that usually took a few days to see. I would be so angry with the way things were because I expected things to be different. Then I found out that I got a better deal in the end.
A river flowing does not avoid the rocks, nor does it let them stop it… it simply moves on, and does what it does.
I know it.. I just need to do it..
It’s the difference between knowledge and wisdom, I guess..
and forgive me, but what is it you feared?
You know, I wish I could be as strong-willed as you…..
Oh, and I meant *teared up reading this..
You already are. TRUTH
When you threw out your blade, every time you stand up to the pigs that are men (myself included), every time you posted what your heart spoke.
You are strong. And it’s only through the testing that is life, that you can ever find out how strong you are and can be….
Gold is not only tested by fire… but refined as well. The pain we go through makes us who we are. It sucks now, but it’ll pay off.
Eventually
I hope…
(I won’t lie, I don’t have things figured out either…)
Your like a hero to me, your amazing and I hope that YOU see it.
Everytime I post something, I’m like trembling because I have a hard time opening up to people..
The thing I hate the most is being judged. I’m going to be judged for as long as I live. Everyone tells me that the whole “I don’t care” attitude won’t fly in society…
FUCK SOCIETY. 🙁
The trick is: Care about what you want to care about.
There are some things that you have to care about: Food, and Shelter are at the top of the list.
Maybe what clothes you wear, or the car you drive can be on it, and how you treat others should be something you care about… but there’s nothing that says -anywhere- that you have to care about what people think about you. It’s an idea I’m struggling with too.
Be you. Love you. and go ahead FUCK SOCIETY (figuratively speaking… there’s some nasty shit out there)
To be honest.. most days I don’t see it, but I feel so much better helping people. So I thank you. Because by giving you advice, maybe I’ll take, and use some of it myself. ;P
I’m taking everything you say to me, to heart. <3 I don't usually do this, but your making me believe you.
(Sorry if I'm stubborn about all this though.)
Do you ever just get a headache BECAUSE of life? Like right now, just thinking about it all gives me a headache..
I just got home from a not so great place.
And I have to start all over. New job, New housing, (unfortunately New friends, because they couldn’t be bothered with writing or visiting. I guess I wasn’t worth the thought to them)
So yeah. Life can get cause some serious headaches…. I had a panic attack at the DMV, and I have so much on my plate, and so little time before I start drowning again, AND I have to catch up on a years worth of stuff that I wasn’t able to take care of for other people (cars to be fixed, and houses to be cleaned… etc) I’m exhausted before i even start in the morning. Then I can’t seem to get tired at night.
No need to apologize for being stubborn, I would chalk it up to skepticism anyways.. It’s hard to believe that thinks will get better.
Yah it is…
Wow, you do have alot on your plate, are you okay? I don’t just wanna seem self centered or anything. :p
So tell me this….should I talk to my counselor about me cutting and my suicidal thoughts?
Eventually.
First things first, I make sure (s)he is someone you are comfortable with. There’s nothing worse than talking to someone who you think is full of psychobabble BS.. If you tell him/her and you don’t really value their opinion, you’ll only kick yourself for it later (not that it’s wrong, but it’s just the feeling that you’ll probably get, like, “aw damn, I should’ve kept that to myself”)
Once you have a counselor you trust AND respect, you’ll get to a point where you don’t even think about it. You just let the thoughts come, and they don’t judge, or condemn, they just listen, and give you something to think about… the good ones at least.
You’ve already started the process, you’re talking to people, you’re being honest, and from how it seems, you do want to fight to make it better. You don’t want to give up. You know it’s hard, but you’re too stubborn to admit defeat.
Have hope.
My counselor (a dude) is very into the word of god, not that there’s anything wrong with that….but I feel like he will judge. Cutting may seem like a sin to him.
and what will I tell my parents? They will look at me with such disgust…. 🙁
If you feel like he’s going to judge you, you have two choices: go to a new person, or try to get to know him. You may find that he’s got a history too, or that he’s had a family member who has had a hard time.
There’s only a few reasons why people become counselors, and it’s usually not the paycheck.
There are some things that can wait. From the sounds of it, your parents will be more worried about what it means to them, than what it means to you. My parents may never know that I almost committed suicide by cop 8 months ago. And I know they love me. Otherwise, with the shit I’ve put them through…. whew… they’d be history…
…I honestly don’t even know where to start. Like I have been seeming my counselor for about a month and a half, and he still has no idea about who I really am. </3 why can't he just see that I'm hurting? I can't find words to tell him.
He can’t see that you’re hurting because of your beloved mask…. Or, he sees it, and is respecting you timing, you schedule. He’s giving you the choice to bring it to him, rather than have you resent him for hitting nerves.
He is still human. And mind readers we are not. (For this I am thankful, there are some things that do need to be private…)
But your “recovery” is on your time. It cannot be forced. And as much as you may want it over and done with… quick gains lead to quick losses. Take it slow, build the solid foundations, and build with discernment.
Ugh..
Yeah… I know.
Life just dealt me a shitty card.
There aren’t all that many good cards, and those that look good from the outside, are usually pretty rotten on the inside.
Like my post says, my parents are together, my family is solid, no drug or alcohol use but my sister and I have both dealt with some serious depression, and my mom finally understood us when she got laid off from her job, and her church closed, and my dad’s business was still failing…. Then I managed to make a clusterf*** of my life…
So even good hands can be played poorly. But the game’s not over yet… You still have lots of time to change your strategy and win…
..winning, such a….i