Growing Weary

I haven’t grown weary of life yet, I’m just deeply frustrated. There have been thoughts of death lingering in my mind. They’re not constant, but they’re frequent enough to be distressing. I’m too scared to take the so-called coward’s way out. The act of dying frightens me too deeply to try suicide. I’ve been slogging through the days, somehow keeping my academics mostly intact, but I don’t know how long I can keep going, as I find myself procrastinating a lot. I’m not a strong person, and although I’m not quite convinced I should die, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep saying that. The anxiety, the depression, and the loneliness are getting to me.

I plan on getting help, but unlike last time, I’m going to be honest. Hopefully things will get better, I’m sick of feeling crummy. I can’t help but worry about the problems that might crop up after I try to get help, though.

I hear that depression is a very treatable condition, but then I hear that it can be extremely costly and that people relapse. It’s practically impossible to be hopeful, but I just want to feel like life is worth living again instead of slowly feeling like death is the better option.