I don’t even know how I feel right now..

haven’t posted on here in forever but I guess that’s good. I don’t know.
This one guy who I had a thing for last year but never really talked to (it’s a rather long story) well he sits a few seats over from me at lunch. and my friend spilled my water all over and he was cleaning it up and the guy asked me if I was going to use my paper bag (don’t ask me how that would help clean up the mess I really don’t know.) then he quickly added “I mean besides suffocating yourself. I know you want to kill yourself but..” then I looked at him and asked him if he was talking to me and he said “yeah. come on I know you’re suicidal.”
I don’t even know.
I’ve always been so secretive about that how could he possibly know. All I know is that if I ever find out that he makes jokes about suicide then I’m going to kick his ass. That shit’s not funny.
I was actually doing a pretty good job faking my happiness, I don’t need this.