So I cut last night after not cutting for a long time. I feel worse for giving in to wanting to cut. I am not a regular cutter or anything, and I don’t want to get addicted to cutting, besides as it is I am going to have to wear long sleeves to work all week.
I’m just drained, tired, and want to quit. I need a therapist and or a really good friend. Probably both. I have a doctor appointment this week and I am going to try and convince myself to own up to my depression so I can get a referral for a psychiatrist, therapist, etc.?
Isn’t it amazing how we let ourselves succumb to the thoughts in our heads? It makes it worse I think when you are acutely aware of how screwed up you are… and I’m aware. That is for sure.
6 comments
Ya i remember that i knew how fucked up i was/am but i didnt want any help, i thought no one would ever understand me so i just decided to keep everything to myself, i just walked around pretending like everything was all just so jolly and happy,
having someone there for you is great, it really helps get your feelings out and feel comfort, its nice to know your going to a psychiatrist for help, my best of wishes go out to you, good luck.
If you do cut, do it somewhere no one will see, I have a grand total of 161 cuts/scars on my body, 137 of which are on my arm, there all scars now on my arm but they look awefull. I’m applying to a beauty college in January and the uniform is short slaves so I can’t where long sleeves at all. I’ve got to get rid of them somehow or people will ask questions. (sorry I’ve gone off point, I donthat alot) you should tell you doctor everything, don’t leave anything out. I hope it all works out for you x
Sorry to hear about your dress code issue. That really sucks and now you’ve got to figure out what to do about it. ugh.
rathernot,
thanks for the wishes. I just have to maintain enough confidence on Wednesday and tell them everything. If I don’t get help soon I know I risk my job in addition to everything else I’m already screwing up. Sooner or later someone at will work is going to notice I’m not mentally stable and I cannot let that happen.
i think we all are a little fucked up in the head, it just takes a smart person to notice it, you’ll have the confidence to tell your doctor, all you have to do is start of slowly, you dont have to spill everything out at once (unless you want to) just tell him that you haven’t been feeling right, slowly you can start to tell him everything, good luck
Thank you, I’m sure I’ll be fine. I hope you can work up the courage to go and tell the doctor everything. And get help.