I tried it before when I was younger but I didn’t know what I was doing and I failed. Â Actually, I tried it twice. Â Both attempts were stupidly executed. Â One was pills and that resulted in me just getting really sick, and upset. It felt like my brain was wrapped in wool inside my skull and I was hearing everyone talk to me through that barrier. Â And I threw up. Â FAIL.
The other time, I gave myself too much opportunity to back out, and that’s what I did.
20 years later, I want to do the same thing (die), but I don’t know how.
I’ve tried to be spiritual, and I’ve heard that when you have that experience of God, it’s unreal and nothing in this world can beat it.  So, if I were not in this world, would I have an experience of God?  I’ve heard that I have lessons to learn here…it seems like if I can learn to see this world differently…change my mind about it,  then I won’t be miserable in it.  And  then when I exit this world, I won’t have to come back here. But if I exit in this state of misery that I am in now, I will most assuredly wind up here again, presented with the same lesson until I work through it.  So, I’m not sure if I want to die or not.  I do know that I want this misery to end.  Can someone please help me with that?  Please?  One way or another, it has got to end.
To tell me that I chose this doesn’t help me. Â I chose to suffer like this? Â Can I choose to end it? Â Apparently the fuck not! Â So please, what exactly should I do here? Â We’ve established that I’m in hell…so what now.