Life shouldn’t be this hard…

Err, the adults I know are quite determined for me to come up with an idea as to what I want to do. I don’t care for my future much, but I get good grades. It’s kinda weird is give them to someone else if i could. My parents and people at school often ask what I want to do and I don’t know. It’s good you don’t have anyone pressuring you, it can be horrible at times and you just have to lie to get them to go away. I would say is there anything you enjoy, but your first reply made that answer obvious. I guess you could give it time, but you could end up waiting for an answer and it won’t appear.

Exactly how I feel. They say a slow death is painful, and depression gives you a slow death of everything inside you. I want it to go, but I really don’t expect it to. I think mine will be here a llloooooonnnnngggg time.

I understand why you’d tell someone, you need an ear there to listen, it’s hard when that isn’t there for you. Maybe you should try and go through your meeting with her in your head, although, even though I doubt it, these sorts of situations can go bad, I remember talking to someone else on here about a councillor or something. To say you get worse over time, it’s going to be very responsible of you to go see somebody about your feelings after 5 years. I get the feelings of ‘nobody can fix me’ I feel I should just accept my fate.

I don’t really care much about people like that anyway. When they’re the people who are partly responsible for me being fucked up I don’t really have any reasons to care about them. I guess it just depends on what you want out of the experience there. The least you’d need to feel is the failure of that on top of everything else, right?

That’s nice you have her still. I know being alone all too well, I’ve never had anybody like that physically, most of the time I never had anyone, although I did meet some people on here recently. Losing something is always painful, I can only imagine what it’s been like for you. When I was little pretty much a group of friends I had left one by one to places where I’d never see them again. Well as long as you do what feels right then it should be fine I hope.

The ‘giving subtle hints’ but made me laugh, it reminds me so much of myself. I just sit in my room all day on my computer or whatever, I don’t enjoy going downstairs to see my family. They’re trying to get me downstairs at the minute, and they’re not offering a valid reason to why. My family are manipulative idiots. I hate them. They are a large reason of why I feel shit. They haven’t realised my feelings to them or my feelings generally, exist, they just kid themselves everything’s fine. And then nothing gets accomplished because its all ‘fine’. My parents are the sort that encourage me to go out of the house, but don’t approve when I do. I really hate them in case you hadn’t noticed.

Oh, I was going to ask how it went, but try not to let it get you down. You can find help through ways that society might not recommend. Alone time can be nice so long as you don’t feel lonely but peaceful instead. I don’t go out for walks much, housing estates don’t appeal much to me lol. I know, I go from one screen to another, but that’s fine I guess if its a tv screen. :s they recently checked at a parents evening that I was doing my homework, (and to a good degree, it’s never been a problem at all, but they were obsessed) and it turns out that it was fine. They were surprised. And I do the homework in my room in peace and now they want me to do it downstairs, like WTF? Why? They make no sense, if my grades suffer I blame them.

It seems sometimes even the simplest of things are too much to ask, that is horrible I deal with, that is, IF you can deal with it. Aw that’s sad. D: nobody in my house really drinks much, my dad a little, but he isn’t badly affected when drinking. I feel my parents ruined me, they destroyed my self-confidence and were glad to make crappy decisions on my life. They’ve decided pretty much what schools I went to and were glad to put me somewhere I had nobody from my old school (not that I had any proper friends, but still), so I basically had no friends as a young child and tbh, I still dont physically. My mother is quite happy to let me wait in the cold and the rain sometimes for 30 mins to pick me up, but she’s happy to earn a tiny amount of money more than care about me. That’s been for at least 4/5 years now. My family just hides away the past and forgets about it. They don’t do anything to stop it happening again. And they get really angry if I bring it up at all. My family is breaking up a little too, actually, I can’t live with these people forever.

My parents say they care, but actions do speak louder than words, and time has showed me to ignore the illusion of care. They really do not care, they say sorry (sometimes) but they don’t mean it. Take today for example. I waited 35 mind in the rain and cold for my mother to pick me up. As I said this has been going on for 4-5 years, but every time she pins the blame on something else. Like traffic or whatever. Or sometimes she even makes it clear she prefers working 30mins than picking me up. I always say “plan for the traffic, get here early”, but no she doesnt. I think they say they care to continue being able to fuck around me when I trust them. They make things look nice on the outside and present as good when it isn’t. They don’t give me any choice on anything sometimes. Time had shown me who they are. They don’t care I know it. My mum doesn’t care about anything and my dad only gives a fuck about anything. I feel so distant from them. I’m not proud to call them my family. I gave up on love a long time ago.

Emailed you. 🙂