Me. I caused my life to be this way. I am defective. I was given choices and I may not have always made the right choice. But from those choices, good or bad, right or wrong, I am here. Here is not a good place. Â I am sorry, my head is a bit messed up tonight thinking too much about the choices I made in my life. I need a distraction.
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Hello Jael, glad to hear from you again. 🙂 We all make mistakes, they’re a necessary part of life. The goal isn’t to preclude them, rather it’s to learn from them. Is it not possible for you to start making the “right” decisions? What is “defective” about you?
Scar504 I really don’t know until after making a decision, if it’s right or wrong since you have to wait for the outcome. I think it’s more of my past and being isolated for so long, not opening up to others. My mind is definitely defective. But sometimes I believe it was made defective by another person.
Jael I understand where you are coming from, im not sure if im like you but my messed up head came to be because of my philosophical approach to life, I guess I did this to myself too, but you can’t control what your mind makes you do, it’s not your fault that you are where you are, it’s the bad luck that we have been given, but we can always try to change things, and that’s what I’ve been doing, I’m in a way better place now, but it’s because I got lucky and found my meaning to live, I hope you find yours too
Rathernot my messed up head came from my childhood and the things I had to do to survive up until now (I think). I have those days I feel strong. That I look back and see how far I have come. Lately though, those are getting fewer and far between. The night with the gun really weighs heavy on my mind. How I got there, why I made the choices that I did. I am glad you found your meaning to live, it’s really good to hear that. I am just not sure I will find one in time.
I know how it feels to be hunted by past mistakes. I wish I could erase them from my memory.
Black Swan I am not sure if they are past mistakes so to say. More like I should have choosen a different path maybe? I don’t know. I look back and see where I should have made a different decision…never knowing that it would be better or not. I would love, love to erase my memory. I have nothing and no one to remember from my past anyway. I wish it would all be gone.
Oh, Bad chosen paths and wrong decisions sum up in what I call my life story. Lol! Last thing I remember I was on my way to Hollywood Supertandom and after many twists and turns, wound being a “dancer”. Never studied a carrier or had a “plan B” like sooo many people warned me I should, so I am trapped in this nightmare. There’s someone in my head that I haven’t been able to forget that torments me daily. I wish I had never let him into my life. Anyway… you’re not the only one.
Black Swan I can totally understand having someone trapped in your head and the thoughts that torment you constantly. Unfortunately mine were unavoidable. Thanks Swan for making me feel less alone.
Jael, people looked for you when you were gone. Did you know?
jjgirl13 Actually no, I didn’t know that…
Jael I’ve emailed you, If you want to talk on there ? X
@ jael it’s weird, I was never really looking for a meaning for my life because I didn’t think there was one, I just wanted to die, and i somehow found the best reason to live when I least expected it, if I never found my reason to want to live I would be dead in just about a year, I hope you can find a reason to live for before you choose that your only option is death, i have no idea what you have lived through or the type of pain you are or have felt, so im no one to decide what you should do, but i think that you should give it some time to make another choice about your departure from this world, I really wish you the best of luck
The best reason to live, is to live.
Dream or nightmare, we all have to wake up at one point.
The question is how you want to wake up, and to what.
@jjgirl I have already found the answer to those two questions and that is why I want to live
wish i’d been on to talk when you posted this
how’re you doing now jael?
darko You know, if you asked me this yesterday (or at least for the past few days), I have really been struggling. I have not been well, and in a really dark place. After talking with someone yesterday and opening up more, I am feeling better. I needed this and I need you guys. Thanks.