things that make you want to change

I just want to be held. is that to much to ask? i try to hold everything in but somehow i can never move on from my past. the aching i feel through my body and the tears that are stained on my face are like tatoos that can never be erased. i try to smile and say i will be okay but why do i lie i guess im trying to hide from my mistakes. the blood that comes down my leg. hoping that doing this will make my pain go away. but only for awhile. when am i going to change?