Times are changing..

I used feel pitty for myself cause I had so many bad things happen to me. And now I feel empty like I’m just waiting for the next thing to come and hit me. And I’m not saying that my life is so shit blah blah cause no one gives a shit I get that now, but to me that’s not fair. how can people just be blinded by someone in so much pain they would rather put themselves to sleep than to have to face another day. I don’t want to kill myself I want to live my life happy and free from pain, the first 20 years of my life have been filled with so much death, disaster and hopelessness that what am I supposed to expect from the next 50 years if I live that long! I don’t hate myself I hate the people around me apart from my bf. everyone else just seems like a blurr. I will never give up ever I will keep going on being fake happy, studying for uni going to work, seeing my friends and family but everyday of my life I want to sleep, I want to take a whole bottle of pills and just sleep off all this crap in my life. I consider myself a good person I do the right things, be nice, help others but none of that makes a difference if no one gives a fuck about me. I know I’m jealous I don’t care about that I care that no matter how much good I do it’s never returned, and sick off it.