Sometimes, I just can’t believe what  has happened to me. I just can’t. Why? My life is absolute shit and embarrassing. I mean, when you’re depressed, you can talk to someone about it. Well, I can’t with my problem. It is absolutely embarrassing. Here is the one and only time I will talk about my problem.
I am currently in highschool, and I’ve been having halitosis for 4 years. Halitosis is a symptom where you’re paranoid about smelling bad. Worst is, I DO smell bad. AGH, that just hurt.. even saying it. Imagine, everyday, dreading to go to school, dreading to stand next to your crush, dreading to walk anywhere-next or passing by someone. I can’t sit with anyone. Ohh, man, the kids in my school are even more awful. They will make nasty comments, scoot their chairs or desk and yell out some of the meanest comments to the class. Like “OHH SOMEONE NEEDS A SHOWER” or “OMG MY NOSE. LIKE SERIOUSLY GET AWAY.” the whole class usually laughs. In all honest, I’m probably the cleanest one out of all the class. I shower 2-3 times a day and brush the hell out of my mouth. Anyways, I don’t remember when this awful b.o has started happening, but I’m dreading it everyday. People at school hates me and I am left feeling alone more than ever. Ohh yes, it gets worse. When I get home, to my apartment, all I can hear is yelling. Family problems. I literally lost all motivation in my life to do ANYTHING. My grades are dropping, my weight rising up, everything seems not right. I’ve attempted suicide so many times, I’ve cut so many times as well. Sometimes I would just bang my head against my desk for hours, hoping life would get better. But no, it gets worst actually. One time, when I came home from school to give my mom my progress report (fuck) my mom would always say “You need education, you don’t even have a pretty face to marry a rich husband.” Let me die NOW. please. I have severe depression, where I’m so numb and I feel dead. My body aches everyday and my eyes are puffed everymorning from crying everyday at night. Worst is I can’t talk to anyone. I’m just alone. I’m VERY sure that someday I will die. Someday I will not take it anymore and just give up, you know? I don’t even know why I’m still alive right now… god hates me.
-xcuts
2 comments
You’ve probably already consulted a dentist and it doesn’t have to do with gum disease. I needed to comment because you might have another type of medical condition where you cannot process red meat proteins. This is rare, but controllable. Please take some time to google the condition “fish body odor”. There are other medical conditions more common that cause odor like diabetes, liver disease and stomach ulcers. I hope you find the answers you need before exiting this world. Peace. Xoxo RK
god hates you not, why would your higher form hate.
i used to be a smelly kid too, well haha i still am.
but your ability to care about something like that is limited only by your adherence to social norms. you dont have to be clean and userfriendly, you dont have to smile and be politically correct.
sure alot of people may not like it but fuck them anyway. You dont have the right not to be offended. why do you have to conform. And those kids that fuck with you may seem to receive validation/acceptance from other’s laughter, but in reality they are just being assholes. Idk what your condition is but iv heard of atleast one natural way of dealing with offensive body odor. i.e taoist sexual kungfu but if you dont have healthy diet and exercise already whats the point