I’m so sick of being ‘me’. The imperfect retard who has nothing better to do than be ugly. Last night, my bestfriend was begging me to go with her to the bonfire. I denied, because well my hair was all greasy and i had nothing to wear that wouldn’t make me look like a retard. As well, my social anxiety held me back, lots of people from my school was going to go. But, on the inside, i really, really would want to go, i could’ve gone to her place for a sleepover after as well. I can’t stand myself. Oh god, how i wish i was pretty like every other girl in my school. I’m even scared for grade 9 graduation at the end of next year as well. I’d have to dress up ‘fancy’ which will just embarrass me. I’d be an ogre in a dress. But by then, i probably won’t be there. And, no one will care if i was gone.
A few days ago, i told my bestfriend i cut myself and am suicidal. All she did was hug me and never talked about it again. What does that tell you. She doesn’t care too much. I think i should just never talk about it again, i feel like i’m just looking for attention. I have a plan to kill myself. It’s a good plan i gotta say. It’s a time that won’t disurb anyone elses time and is near my birthday. I’m scared, but then again, i can’t wait. I hope i die and wake up as someone better, someone pretty, someone not me.
Gumpy
14 comments
you no post picture for people to compliment you :c
Maybe you should have told ur friend the problem. Could have washed your hair, lent you some clothes, and supported u if u felt uncomfortable.
@AtTheEnd- Lol, i tried to take a good picture but it failed and i look like a retard. And plus, i’d just blind people, it should be a crime.
@muspelhem- I guess i should’ve told her. But, i think it’s best if i just exclude myself from these things, it’s better for everyone.
u.u thats messed you should show us yo…. Q.Q please? we wanna see?
-.- fiiiiiiiine. But if you loose your eye sight, not my fault 🙂 I’ll do it later though.
Buahahahaha and when later? o.o….
5 billion years from now 🙂 No, probably in the afternoon or something or maybe tomorrow.
You said today Q.Q
Giver her a break. This isn’t about you, it’s about her.
Why isn’t it about him too?
Nothing against her, but what makes her feeling inherently more important?
Anyway, to be clear, she should definitely not post the picture if she doesn’t want to.
And I don’t think she should post it at all. It’s all indexed by the search engines after all. So probably not a great idea unless she’s aware of that and is OK with it.
But he isn’t wrong to just ask her when she’s going to do what she said.
It’s just an asshole move to try to pressure a teenage girl to upload a picture of herself.
This is a suicide site, not some grooming shit.
Grumpy, if I were you I’d keep your pictures of the Internet. I know you feel ugly, but I can’t tell you how many people think they are ugly but aren’t. Posting a picture of yourself won’t accomplish anything because until YOU see yourself as pretty, it won’t matter how many of us tell you that you are. It will feel good for a few moments, but then you’ll need more compliments. It’s just the nature of insecurity.
Jr. high/high school is a rough time for everyone. Even the people who look like they have it all together are actually struggling with insecurity; it’s just part of growing up and figuring out who you are. I’m sorry you’re having a rough time with social anxiety, a lot of people here understand that.
One thing I do want to mention is the more you avoid social situations, the harder they will be to deal with. Social interaction is like a muscle, if you use it it gets stronger, if you don’t it gets weaker. You do yourself more harm than good by avoiding parties with your friends. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, so I know what you mean when you talk about social anxiety. You just have to push through some of these things and they’ll get better. Hang in there, Jr. High is not the end of your life. There’s a lot more waiting for you that can be better.
Thanks Letmesleep 🙂 I’m not very emotionally strong though and am giving up now, i don’t see my future as any good either. I see what you mean with the Social Anxiety, not going places like that will make it harder. But, i’m too scared to go and i rather miss out on the fun than to be anxious the whole time.
Lol i am not going to post a picture anymore AtTheEnd, sorry 0.o