Fucking anxiety. For fucks sake.
I just had an awful dream. Where one of my biggest fears actually happened. Thats not a first, no. This time it was in my house though. I cant remember if some parts actually happened before, because thats what it feels like, or if its all made up.
I have to pee but its still dark. I woke up about an hour ago. Around 6:10 am. Ive been waiting for it to turn light. I cant sleep anymore because then Ill return to the dream. I actually just got myself to move so I finally got on my laptop. Havent gotten myself to move more than 5 cm though. Luckily my laptop was on my bed. If I could just turn on the light I could at least do something productive like roll a joint. To turn on the light I have to get out of bed. Its still too dark and quiet to get out of bed.
Im pretty sure 1 aspect of the dream really happened last week and it makes me anxious. Which is silly of course. Im aware of that. I guess Im pretty much aware of how insane I am.Im aware that being afraid because you had a bad dream is something a child would do. I am fully aware Im a baby.
I feel sick because im incredibly thirsty. Also hungry caus I barely ate in weeks. My bladder hurts like a mother. But even though I know my mom is up Im afraid to walk into the dark hallway.
Why does it always turn light so late in winter. Anxiety was better to handle in summer.
I feel sad. and angry. and scared. Im an angry, scared, little baby. Im pathetic.