hello, well as you all know my life is a complete down buzz. if you dont well heres y… i have leukemia (cancer)
i get seriously bullied and no one cares about me. i have not told a living sole but i am planning my death and i need help…
i am seriously ugly now i have no hair and im always purpley blueish like a giant bruise. do you think if i was to dink half a bottle or more of bleech will it kill me i might even add in the meds i take. i wanna give up but then again i want help, what the heck is wrong with me ? im driving myself up the walls!
i miss being happy and cared for. i miss that when i was young all the fun times i had with my family and friends and the joy and happiness.
i feel so alone and that im not cared for. do you care if i die? i wouldnt im just a worthless nobody… if i was you i would hate me and i would not care as im just a piece of stupid shit!Â
everyday i get in more pain emotional and physical, i feel so weak and abandoned! how do i keep fighting this deadly diease when i want to die anyway. i doubt you would take the time to read this so i should shutup but i just want everything out of my head. i need someone too care and to help and to listen to.
or the other way around… to help you before i die and leave this cruel place… but firstly will i die if i drink half a bottle (a huge bottle) of bleechas well as taking meds… anyone know?
does anyone need help or just someone to talk to?????
13 comments
@scared for life: I just happened upon your post and feel compelled to sit a while. I wish I knew what to say, how to comfort you. … You asked if anyone cares. I’m willing to bet that I won’t be the only one who’s caught your post and stops to comment out of care for you. In the meantime, let me know what you want to talk about. I’m happy just to listen–you can shout, cry, talk about anything, or be silent. I’m very, very sorry you’re hurting. I do care. And my gut tells me others do/will, too. I was going to say that I feel some of the things you do, but that sounds like a platitude. Maybe we can share a bit more about ourselves so that with better mutual understanding our words may “feel” more authentic and hopefully a bit sustaining? Do you mind me asking if you’re over 18? Do you live with parents, friends, other family, or on your own?
If you’d like someone (another “someone”) to write to and share–someone who’ll read each one of your lines and care, I’m glad to do it. Wishing you some peace tonight/this morning…
im only 14. i live with my mum but i dont have a dad. wbu r u over or under 18 ? and its hard to think that people care.
I feel soooo incredibly sorry for you, you’re so strong. That post made me cry a bit 🙁 I care for you, i really, really, really do. If you killed yourself, it’d be one less living soul that i knew for the 6 days so far that i’ve been on this website. Sometimes you just want things to be ok when it’s at it’s worst. all i can say is- “Everything will be okay.” be positive. You’re an amazing girl 🙂
P.S. The bleach wouldn’t work, it’d just burns things inside of you and you’d end up in hospital
P.S.S Pleeeease reconsider living on, i know it must be very, very hard, but i want you to keep living. Have you tried talking to a counsellor?
Love Gumpy 🙂 xx
ngaw thankyou and yes but im scared to talk to people. and how will everthinh be okay? the scary thing is, is that if i go t sleep i might not wake up tomorrow… i want to die. i dont know how to keep suicide out of my head. 🙁 what do i do ?
I know things must be hard. I just said that things will be okay to be comforting, I’m not good at doing it. I know how you feel about suicide. It’s hard to keep it out of your head. As I said on your last post, maybe watch some funny videos or tv shows, even if u don’t feel like laughing. I know I’m terrible at advice and helping people, but I support you beautiful. Be strong <3
Gumpy
I understand. Be strong.
Make peace with your mind. Breathe.
You always remember the face that is your last hope. You have to wait for that hope. Even though there is nothing stronger than fear.
People live. People die. I’m in between. Where are you?
Close your eyes. And think calmly.
The answer always lays infront of you. You just have to look for it.
You are so amazing, and so stron.(:
I lost my Grandma to Cancer, honestly i’m here if you EVER need to talk.
You are worth it. And you should live your life..(:
thankyou. but y do you care so much about me living why dont yo want me to die, im just a worthless and ussles person. so why do yo care so much?
@Scared for life: I’ve been reading the posts to you, and your replies, Scared. I have to echo Grumpy’s sentiments: I’m floundering in how to provide comfort. I’m well over 18, but when I was around your age an instructor told me that advice is free, and worth, usually about as much… So instead of offering words I fear would be hollow, I want you to know that, like others here, I care about what happens to you, and I’ll listen.
What originally drew me to your post was your screen-name, “Scared for life,” because I, too, am scared for life. I’ve lived reasonably long, and discovered no answers to life’s big questions–not one. I can tie my shoe-laces. I’ve learned how to build a fire out of twigs so it will give more warmth. I can even fiddle with a few simple machines in my home. I can do mechanical things–I can understand steps of physical processes, but I don’t understand anything of the “why” of life. I don’t know if that scares you, too, but life without meaning–definite, clear, universal meaning (not the millions of personal meanings people imagine up)–terrifies me.
Does anything still make you smile? The first taste of something very sweet without fail makes me feel like that young child you described–enjoying “fun times…joy…and happiness.” I pay for it later, but in the moment it’s bliss. How about you? Is there anything that, in the moment, brings you bliss? Don’t feel you have to find something. I’ll respect–I encourage–your sincerity. You’re in my thoughts…
thankyou and because things are too hard ive just given up i give up at finding happiness as all it does is bring more bad things, i just wanna give up my life nd future as i would rather a less painfull death than cancer. the pain never goes its like every bone and thing in my body hurts i just want it to go. i dont sleep at night is to hard instead i lie crying and wishing it was over. thankyou for your comment it made me feel a bit better that knowing that people do care well at least here anyway.
i hope your happy and living your life to its fullest because you deserve it, you deserve the happiness.
for the past 8 hours ive sat in the darkest corner of my room trying to cry but i just cant the tears hate me to so they left me here alone with myself. it was the only thing that i knew was normal about me, and now i cant do that, im just nothing, a waste of space and im starting to think that if i die a new and happy person can take my space in the world.
but thankyou for caring.
hi, you must be going through a very hard time, im 14 as well and im affected by pain (physical and emotional) but not in the same way. i feel really sorry for and things might get better no matter what. if you keep fighting for your life and not with your life then you will beat this, beat cancer you can do it. if you set your mind to it then you will win. if you fall down then just get back up again. one day you will find that happiness. just keep fighting the cancer and not your self. im new to this but im sure everyone here cares for you and hope you get better. we dont want youto die because your life is valuable and precious dont give it up. im sending you strength and happiness your way i hope you can find it. evrey night i cant sleep as well i cant cry either its all gone too. im left with me and my dark shaddows, you are normal no matter what. just please dont give up <3
Dearest, you are taking no one’s space in this world or this life. Your space is your own. It isn’t bought, borrowed, lent, or spent. What we do while we still live is another story, but living or dead, matter or energy, we are not worse for you being here. In fact, your story touches all of us, which for some of us, is difficult to do. We are already better for having known you. I wish that we could return the favor.
All of us like to believe that we have a grip on the logic of our situation. However, time has borne out that few of us actually do. I can’t speak for anyone but myself in saying that I can’t truly empathize with the physical suffering you endure. I can say that I can empathize with your emotional anguish and despair, though my reasons are different. I can’t speak of survival or hope or science. I can say that I truly care because however our battles turn out, we all want to have our hands held during those darkest, coldest moments. You deserve no less.
PS – PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, LEAVE THE CHEMICALS ALONE. That is NOT the way. There are images I’d rather not recall of people dying by ingesting chemicals. Worse than the agony of suffering through the attempt, is the possibility (however slim we may believe it is) of surviving. Put that thought out of your mind.
If you survive this and start to tell your story you can save countless lifes.
Considering the worthless part, how worthless do you think is someone who is able to express himself as you do here? How worthless is someone who can take so much and still goes on? Thats not worthlessness, thats a paragon of strength! You made 6 people answer and read, countless more think and ponder, can you imagine how many feel better because of you and be it only because they realised their problems may be minor then yours. We all can learn from you, if you keep teaching!
In any case listen to Isaac for the chemical part.