my suicide attempt

On march 8, 2012 I put a 12-gauge shotgun under my chin and shot myself. I was told no one had ever survived a shot-gun blast to the head, so I had hoped anywhere above the neck would work. Fortunately I called a friend and told her I was about to kill myself and long story short there were cops and paramedics outside my apartment when it happened. The gun wasn’t loaded when I called my friend. It was when I heard a knock on my door that I ran to my room and loaded it. I then put it under my chin, went to the bathroom, so I wouldn’t get blood all over the carpet, said a quick prayer to reduce the chance of going to hell in case such a place does exist, and pulled the trigger. I recall blacking out for a few seconds and then waking up on the floor screaming with blood flooding out my mouth and cops in my apartment telling me to put my hands where they could see them. They quickly rushed me to the ambulance. I asked the driver if I was going to die and he said he didn’t know. Five days later I woke up in the hospital and the first thing I saw was my family. It was within a few days that it was explained to me that a shot-gun blast directly to the head may be a sure kill, but because they are so long shotgun suicides aren’t 100% fatal. There is now a pellet between my right eye and my retina. I lost my upper lip most of my nose, most of my teeth, and the tip of my tongue. I have double-vision, have had four surgeries this year, and have at least a few more to go. Until recently, I didn’t know slugs were so much more powerful than shells that fire bird shot. . I went two months without eating or drinking liquids and still to this day have a feeding tube in my stomach, because I have had to go periods without eating or drinking liquids after surgeries and don’t know yet whether or not I will still have to fast after future surgeries. I had to get shots in my thy, or stomach twice a day for a while and undergone numerous painful procedures in the hospital since the trauma. If that pellet had gone any further upwards than it did I may have either died, or gone blind and suffered brain damage. What I find most scary is that if I didn’t call my friend I may have bled to death and been unable to breathe while conceous. If anyone reading this decides to use a shot-gun for suicide, just know to use buck shot, or slugs if you live in an apartment and people live above you, because if you use bird shot, pellets can hit the ceiling and your upstairs neighbor can get hurt. One pellet hit my ceiling and fortunately my neighbor wasn’t at the wrong place at the wrong time.