All i can think about is suicide. In the daytime, at school, at home, in the shower, outside, and especially at when i go to bed. Does anyone else think of suicide that much? It’s strange, there’s really not much to think about it, but i can’t think about anything else. My 2 friends, the only people i’ve told, say i should talk to the school counseller. Should i go? I mean, maybe it’ll help, maybe it won’t. But i don’t like talking to people about my ‘problems’ and i don’t want it to get to my parents, i don’t want them to worry about their stupid, suicidal daughter.
Don’t you hate it when you have to put on that ‘fake smile’? Having to pretened to be happy just so people will actually talk to you. So you won’t seem invisible and to avoid being called a ‘depressive emo’. It’s weird, when i’m actually happy, i hate it. And i want to be sad. I guess i’m so used to be sad, i miss it. Is that at all strange? I’ve always been the last option, the left out one. When you’re asked to pick partners and everyone gets one except you, then you either do it alone or go with the teacher. I’ve never been anyones true bestfriend, anyones inspiration, i’ve never been like liked (which makes sense) and i’ve never really had hope. I gave up hope a long time ago and i can tell already that if i do live to my 20’s, i’ll be fat, lonely, and living on my own. I can just tell from the way i am now that life wouldn’t be good.
The best way to describe me? stupid, worthless, lonely, ugly, and someone who no one cares about.
Gumpy
6 comments
no its not wrong to feel like this, i sometimes feel the same way, if you want someone to talk to i’m here
Thanks 🙂 That’d be nice.
anytime 🙂 just at school might be a bit harder and i wanna say text me but i don’t wanna put my number on here -__-
Awww Gumpy, sorry, but, the cure, the answer to your problem is, well, to simply (it’s not simple but,) not want control, yes, control, over that which you can’t control.
Or no, no, no, no all wrong.
You can’t simply give up control over that what you are conscious/aware of, so, delude yourself, live in an illusion, just let your mind wander off in your fantasy-world, listen to music, watch the most ridiculous movie ever, play games, or, meditate (nah, is lame.).
What I am trying to say is that, we will always want control, but, we are humans, and humans tend to not care, not want control, over/about that which they are not conscious of.
So in order to feel the sense of control over what you are conscious of, you have to delude/illude yourself, life in an illusion (which, we already do :-), just what I already said, game, listen to music, watch TV/movies/series, do whatever it takes to get your mind of the things you simply can’t control.
Hope you can have control, control over you consciousness, humans are easily deluded like, with, porn, games etc. you know what I mean.
Alex(ander)
@drivewolf- haha i don’t have a mobile phone, they’re for social people. I couldn’t do it at school either, people’ll see. We could talk on email maybe?
@AlexanderBehrutt- i can totally understand what you mean. I haven’t realised it, but i do want control over what i can’t control. I try to keep my mind off things, like watching something funny, but it doesn’t last long and then i have to face that problem anyway. But thanks, i see where you’re coming from 🙂
sorry i took so long to respond gumpy, and yes you can email me and i don’t have a phone i use a text site, email me drivewolf@yahoo.com 🙂