Once again, I talk to you about how I hate myself, in finer detail through several posts i shall write.l. Im 14, for those of you hear who arent teenagers im sure you remember (or have heard) the socially akward, the classification of people, the need to be in, the primitive yet complex popularity scale. Its all very interesting, but I feel like I really dont fit in to anything. The truth is, im just plain weird (not to mention unpopular, ugly, awkward, etc.) I really dont know how to handle myself in any given situations. Example: Tonight at youth, instead of engaging in conversation with the people i know in a civilized manner, i be a complete weird beard, who nobody like. Instantly. Whether I actually intend this as part of my sub-conscious or whether im doing it to get attention im really not sure. Trying to figure myself out, I vision that this could be in relation to many things of my life, such as neglect from my parents and being ignored by people, etc. Back to the point, I instantly feel like people are gossiping about me, and then I wonder why. Obviously (i say to myself) im clearly just stupid or retarded, awkward, someone nobody really likes to know, and it doesn’t help that since I moved schools everyone has been a dick-head whereas beforehand I had a fair amount of friends, whereas now I feel like im being replaced by someone who everybody likes. Im no longer funny. Im no longer happy. Nobody likes me. Im sociall awkard. How did my life go so downhill in just one year (as i said before, these arent the only things making me upset). It also doesnt help that the girl i love has to keep flirting with me yet im not sure whether she likes me or not seeing as she says she loves someone else. I really do hate myself. I take so long to catch up on any conversation and any conversation i make is only funny for 10 seconds and then starts an awkward silence 20 seconds longer… I just wish I wasnt the way i am 🙁
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3 comments
hugoka ,
Well you had to through in the old people deal didn’t you? ok I’m an old person and yes I understand what you’re going through I was the same way at that age a loner, didn’t fit in, not normal, and yeah I suffered and felt lonely but there was a reason
1.) I was more mature then the kids around me.
2.) I was an unusual kid worked hard, wasn’t a mommy’s boy.
3.) I was a rebel!
4.) Later on in life I found out I could surround myself with people just like me and I did!
5.) Went into music started a band, and I work like an adult not a MacDonnell’s job a real job.
The point I’m making is you might be different, you might be more grown up than you think, if you are different be proud you will not be a follower but a leader someday! Just a thought.
I’m 16. I’m socially awkward, clumsy, weird and my face is scarred.
During the last two years I used to get ignored and my best friends of 5 years started talking trash about me in front of me. My crush started going out with my friend.
Point is – You’re not alone. Let’s make a category for us.
I feel for anyone still in school. It was a snake pit when I went…probably these days it’s more of a pit of demons. My only advice is to try to make yourself as invisible as possible and get through it. Congratulate yourself that you’re different from the rest of the kids rather than berate yourself for it. Most of them are brainwashed conformists who for whatever reason play the part of spoiled-irreverent-high-school-sociopath well. I would rather be a sensitive, feeling outcast, which is exactly what I was. It hurt like hell and everyday was scary, but high school will end for you…and you can move on with your life.