I’m tired of being a burden to everybody. I have no friends. My life consists of going to my useless outpatient and then sitting at home on the computer all day. I’m sick of it. People say that if you’re unhappy, change your situation, well I’m tired of expecting change to make me happy. My decision is made, there will be one less alcoholic loser in the world after today.
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What are you planning on doing?
Does it matter?
How have you tried to change your situtation? It wont get better by magic.
For too long. Everything just blows up in my face.
Have you tried rehab? if drinking is your problem that is. Even if its not it may help improve your situtation.
I’m six months sober and could care less. It doesn’t change the fact that I will never be able to drink, be around people who do, I am and always will be a social outcast with no friends.
I have never drank, I am a buddhist. I am engaged. I dont have many friends because I know its difficult to find people who dont drink. But I did. I joined a load of clubs and found a great bunch of lads who go hiking every week. Fitness guys who didnt drink either and we have become great friends.
I understand that you may be different dont let this ruin you. You have to try and find people like you, stop looking at the majority of people who aren’t like you. Do you see what Im saying? If for instance you love to cook, go join a cooking class and try and make some friends.
Life doesnt happen my friend you have to make it happen.
Congrads on the six months. Build on this Con, dont fall apart now.
It’s too late…nobody wants a Borderline around, nobody wants to be my friend, I sit here on four meds that do nothing….
I have a broken marriage, a broken life, and years upon years of pain. There will never be an end in sight. I don’t deserve anything that “happy” people have. I even see happy people and want to strangle them, I hate them so much, their shit-eating grins and their stupid lives. I sit like I’m looking into a window and banging as hard as I can to be let in, I’m tired of it. I don’t want to go further anymore, the more I uncover, the less I like.
My wife died in child birth to our only child, my child died four years later of leukemia. I cursed the gods, I fell apart, lost my job and ended up in hospital after repeated suicide attempts. That was nearly three years ago now.I was angry and pissed off for a long time.
last year I started dating again. things slowly got better. Someone I met here saved me actually.
six months ago I was diagnoised with stage 4 bone cancer. you can tell god really loves me. I almost killed myself again, I want to end life on my terms. But I was convinced to get the surgery.
8% chance of survival. I am here today. I am engaged, I am happy. You dont know how your life will go my friend. Dont give in.
My life continues on the same downward descent…I also had a hand in the termination of our child, I can never forgive myself for anything, I still have sad memories of my wife sobbing on the couch after yet another fight where I was drinking, crying that she wanted her friend back(me).
I don’t deserve this, my pain ends today. I keep getting told to keep fighting, but I’m so tired of fighting, I have nothing left to give any more.
I am forced to stay alive for everybody else that isn’t me, I’m tired of it and want to go on my own terms.
You say you dont want to fight for others, im asking you to fight for you. your happiness is all that matters to you. forget those other people, when you can look yourself in the mirror again, thats when you try and right the wrongs of your life.
I can see you have suffered much, I hope you can find some kind of peace whatever your decision.
Blue
BlueberrySman,
good story and good for you,you beat the odds,very sad story to nobody should have to indure such pain.
At least this way, I won’t be in a position to hurt other people anymore.
Nobody would ever want a Borderline around…all I’ll do is hurt that person in the end, anyway. I’m like a walking time bomb. I don’t want to be around anymore.
I’m stuck in useless outpatient group therapy, and even then, all I want to do is leave.
My family is worried, but why? For themselves? If people really loved me, they’d let me go.
And then there’s my wife, who I will never hold in my arms again, she will go on to be happy while I sit here with nobody, nothing. Everybody is better off without me around, nobody to worry about anymore.
I wouldnt say that. id be happy to have someone to talk to.as a friend. after reading your story id be sad if you did something….
My friend, I have but one final thing to say to you.
If you can remember a time when you were happy, your wedding day, your first date, the day you won a big game, it doesnt matter, if there was ever time in your life when you were happy and the people around you were happy, then you are not in capiable of being happy, which means you could be happy again.
ultimately it is your life, your decision, no one elses, so make sure the decision your making is your own and not based on anyone elses options of you or how they feel about you.
It is your life we are talking about, your very existance. everything broken in your life can be fixed, or made a new. Once your dead the game is over. There is nothing more final than death.
Good Luck COnDsenXieN. I hope you find peace and happiness.
@rocket, thank you.
Con,
Hello. I just thought I’d put in my two cents anyway. 🙂
People love you. You say they should let you go to show they care – I say they love you because they still want you around. I say they still care. And if no one else will care, then I will care! I will be your friend when no one else will! I will listen to your pain, when no one else will! Here, we will ALL be fighting for you. Please don’t do this.
Life CAN get better. There are plenty of people who have made it and are PROUD that they didn’t commit suicide.
Do you know what helps for depression? Not some meds (well, they do help, but not that much.) Exercise helps – fact. Get out and take a stroll in the park. Pick flowers or, if it’s snowing, build a mini-snowman. Occasionally go read a book in the park (psychology books help you understand yourself more). Then slowly start jogging once a week, twice a week, even more. You can even join a fitness group or something. EXERCISE HELPS!
(Also, helping other people sometimes helps. Just be an ear for their stories and advise them every once in a while. Helping helps!)
As long as you’re alive, YOU CAN CHANGE SOMETHING!
I don’t think badly of you. You’re hurting terribly. I’m glad to listen and support you by being on this forum. Sometimes we only feel worthy when we’ve done things right for a while, then unworthy when we’re not up to par with what others expect of us. We can blame ourselves a lot. Sometimes, yes, you might be a burden to someone. You CARE about how you affect others. That’s a good thing, and very considerate. When someone struggles with intense emotions, they often realize that at some level they are not able to get a hold of themselves completely, and they are aware that their “loose ends” fray into others’ lives, so they feel responsible, then guilty. Then, the spiral continues downward. I encourage you to consider that all you are responsible for is the part that you CAN control. This is a radical concept because we’re so used to blaming ourselves for our troubles and then feeling guilty for the run-off of our troubles onto others. It’s uncommon to consider that we are only responsible for what we can control, not what we can’t control. But, it actually makes sense. Many elderly people feel they’re a burden to their caregivers. If they could do more of the work and self-care, they probably would. But, they can’t. Is there blame in that?
Maybe with time, as circumstances give us some breathing room from our troubles, we can do a little more to help ourselves. Other times, when we’re crunched, we must do less. That’s okay. It sounds as if you are in a crushing moment and need receive support rather than give more of your own effort. You have my kind thoughts.