These past few days have been hell for me. I went on vacation with my family and well, my prediction was correct. It was miserable except when we did stuff like skiing and tubing. All the time in between was hell on earth. My sister was a ***** to me always being nasty and criticizing me and whenever she did the whole family joined in. So now i realize that i dont have a safe haven anymore. I have no support from anyone really. Anything i do is wrong. I have no friends except for the few i talk to in school but none that i can trust with my problems. Little family support. Nobody knows that im depressed and suicidal. I hide it too well and i dont want to reach out for help. Well on the brighter side, its now gonna be a whole lot easier to leave this world because it wont make much of a difference anyway. Sure my family will be upset and maybe even my “friends” will be upset but thats expected from this kind of death. Life can go on without me and the world would be a better place. I wont be around to burden anyone anymore. 19 days.
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6 comments
why 19
because i decided that January 17th would be the day. I decided that about a week ago because my dads birthday is the 7th and i didnt want to do it before the holidays or too close to his birthday. i just dont know how much longer i can go on though, its just so hard to wait and deal with life
Hey Kitty, please reconsider taking your life. I know you are hurt, frustrated, confused, and feeling like the whole world is coming down on you. But you have to listen to me please. It is not worth it, you are not a burden to anyone. You sound young which makes me want to tell you that a whole life lies ahead of you. I have been hurt, I had a bad childhood and dark teenage years. I did what you did and hid these feelings until they eventually consumed me and caused me to attempt killing myself. Seek someone if it is on this site or someone whom you confide in reality, a counselor perhaps. Once you begin speaking about this and venting it will help you believe me it helps. I am living the same life as you, I am completely alone and I have literally no one but myself. I’m 21 and I’m still here, trust me suicide is not worth it. You will only be opening a door to more pain and sorrow, people like you and I are fighters. Fight through this pain and be strong time is our ally not enemy. If you want to open up I am here to listen anytime, just send me an email at karrymortel@yahoo.com. Please hang in there Kitty stay strong, dig deep down and find that shred of hope to get you through each day.
Setting a date is just going to kill your spirit and make you totally depressed every day between now and then. Don’t do that.
my head hurts from the pressure of being alone and being sober… i love helping people in your situation it helps me feel like im worth something, i hope you know i wish your vacation could have been better and i wish our family’s understood us better… maybe we are different and meant to be alone and we could try and find some happiness in it
Talk to Lonewolf421. A sincere ear helps tremendously.