Simply put… I am tired of feeling like I don’t belong. In fact, wanting to belong felt like the only thing I could believe in.
Up till this present moment in time, I have been a poser. That may not be the right word to use but it is true. I have lied about my feelings, my personality, and in general, my life. Now I won’t go into details about how I hate my life and nothing is working out, so, here is a rant for you.
Optimism is a false belief which many people face. I, being a teenager and a homosexual, have learnt this the hard way. The only reason I am still alive today, is with sheer optimism – that the future will get better and that being accepting of one another is becoming imminent. Unfortunately, in this day and age, people will always be cruel. It does not matter in what context or intention, but, it is a simple fact of life. People will say things like “It will get better” and other generic statements, but to be frank, does it? Do we evolve? Can we accept each other? Will the world truly be a better place?
A few days ago, it was the supposed “end of the world”. That was a bust. Honestly…I kind of wished the world DID end. Apart from sounding selfish…I really just thought it would be convenient. I wouldn’t want to go into the whole logistics of it, but, I did realise something. We are, basically, waiting for the end. Why should we, a collective group of individuals, feel the way we do…not just now…but for the years to come till we eventually reach our end? What is there to look forward to?…if anything?
I was taught by my parents and 90% of people around me to appreciate what I have and who I am. Why? So that I can live in this frame of mind where everyone tolerates me and loves me? WAKE UP! I certainly have. I am not angry at anyone more than myself. I am not accepting of myself and how other people perceive me. This is probably a contributing factor to my depression & anxiety. Being an underlying problem…it is one of many.
In light of this, I do not wish to portray any ideas or contradictions whatsoever, which, intertwine with my rant. As I said. It is a rant. To be honest… I just wanted to tell someone… Even if it was sharing a piece of me on the Internet.
X
2 comments
I just hoped you might feel a little better knowing nothing in my life seems to work out either, I honestly stumbled upon this website and consider my last effort at keeping my head above water, I just wanted you to know straight or gay there are others if you care at all which I realize you probably don’t I know it doesn’t bring much solace to me in hopefully my last week. I don’t think I’ve said probably anything useful but I’ll tell you what I tell some people here I’d be down to email if you ever feel like it.
Stay cool
It is somewhat comforting to know there are others who are in the same position as myself <3 I just stumbled upon this website today which is abrupt in itself so, again, I know how you feel x Yeah..I don't discriminate in sexuality as I believe everyone is equal and I, of course, care for everyone else. I hope we can both get through it together.