My rough Christmas is almost over

When it is someone else, I rather have them live than me. I don’t want you to die, even though I barely know you. I struggle with suicide thoughts all the time. Even now, as I type. different methods of ways to kill myself have been popping into my head.

I am married and to be honest it sucks. He hates me but pretends to love me. I feel lost and hopeless. I have been trying my best to not be so darn annoying and a burden on everyone, because that is what I am. Everyone acts like they are ok with me, but I know they aren’t.

I hate these thoughts that pop into my head. I can’t turn them off. I was at my husbands family xmas party, and when I went to the bathroom. I thought: “how easy to just break the mirror and slit my wrist or throat. Then I thought of burning myself in this fire pit they had. All I had to do as drench myself with the lighter fluid right there beside me. So many options.

I am 25 and I have been dealing with this for 10 years. The ideas of being useless and worthless. 10 of pain and I still can’t seem to get a successful attempt done.

Just keep listening to the music and see where it takes you.