I haven’t really needed to. See I was still always suicidal (still am), but I stopped cutting like two months ago. But after today’s events, I think i’ll start it up again. You see I was perfectly happy. But there was always something lurking in the shadows, a secret. That secret was revealed today when I got a message. “Yeah your disgusting pervert of a boyfriend has been sending me and my friend nudes and dirty messages for the past month.” I knew something was up. I had a sense that I was being cheated on but he promised he wouldn’t do it again, wouldn’t lie again. Obviously that wasn’t true. But see the problem with me is that I really love him. And he thinks that everything is fine between us, even after I confronted him. He admitted to it. He knows that I know, and he still thinks that even after last time that we’re still gonna be fine. My friend is telling me to end it, but I just can’t. I know I have to, but I can’t. So that was this morning. Since this morning, I have been contemplating suicide all day. I still don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I can tell you I won’t be here next Christmas. So yeah that’s my story for the day…
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3 comments
Well, it’s obvious you deserve better than the way he behaves to you, but I know what it’s like to not want to move on (albeit from other reasons). I’m sorry it’s that way. It sickens me what some people do and think when quite obviously the victims of their actions don’t deserve it. I hope it improves sometime for you.
i am deeply ashamed and embarrassed to admit this, but i feel like i may be of some help to you. a few years ago, i was the kind of guy your boyfriend is now. not the same kind of stupid dirty things, but i lied and attempted to cheat on my wife. i broke her trust, for reasons then i did not fully understand. i was unaware of the source of my depression and it caused me to act out in inappropriate and destructive ways.
if you are interested, i would like to talk with you about what all happened. i may not be the best person to seek advice from, but needless to say the end result of my personal situation is now i am divorced fro the one true love of my life, and i am planning my own death because i have come to realize how much i love her, and she has given up on us and left me.
people will always make mistakes. and you can be assured that it will hurt most when those mistakes are made by the ones you love. there is not a minute of a day that goes by that i wish i could go back and undo the hurt i caused my love, my best friend, my everything… but i cannot.
anyway, if you would like to talk about it, i would very much try to help… if not at least help you understand his stupidity.
@VacatedHappiness thank you. I hope it improves but I don’t think it will.
@love.lost.gone yeah I would actually like talking to you. Maybe you could help me understand.