so listen.

suicide isnt easy. i stumbled across this site because theres obviously something wrong with me, to the point that i research suicide alot. im not going to do it, because i already have. and fyi, for years i said that if i were to do it on purpose, it would be by electrocution in a bathtub, just to show how hardcore i could be.

but on a better note. kind of. for the last ten years of my life my number one priority was nothing but drugs and alcohol. for the last 5 years ive been a hardcore alcoholic. when i say hardcore alcoholic, i mean i drink any and everything that has alcohol in it. ive shot up all my money, so if i couldnt afford beer, alcohol denat and sb alcohol 40 are nothing to me. ive drank hundred of bottles of hairspray, hundred of ounces of aftershave, etc etc, you name it and ive drunk it at least twice. i went to treatment this past november, because id stole a gun and was putting it in my mouth. the feeling i got from doing that i can never describe, but it was bliss to say the least. i knew it would only be a matter of time before i got drunk enough to blow my brains out the top of my head.

im telling you this because im now 43 days sober, and suicide is still something i think of everyday.  just to shoot any rumors down, sometimes it doesnt get better. but little shit isnt what anyone should be dying over. alot of you are kids. so am i. im 23 years old and have the emotional maturity of a 13 year old. life is a royal pain in the fucking ass, but it can be “a taddd” bit fun if you know where to find it. and if you have an alcohol or drug problem, im not susprised. because so do i, by making the mistake that it would be an out and as long as i had something to fuck me up that i wouldnt have to worry if i was gonna have to kill myself. the truth is, alcohol and drugs made it ten times fucking worse. and im not preaching because ive been lucky not to relapse. this is a disease and it can kill you.

let me bring it home. i committed suicide and im still alive. but when i die, it will be because i wanted to be drunk so bad that i didnt mind dying for it. so i will, and that will be fine. hadta share. take care of yourselves, and each other.