Suicidal

Dear “dramatic ******”, 😉

It’s not unusual for someone to say dramatic things when they feel blamed, unwanted, worthless, and overwhelmed.

Something I notice about you is that in spite of your feeling so badly, you’re able to differentiate that your feelings are up and down rather than constant. Do you see that about yourself in your post? I did, right off the bat. I once dealt with someone’s young child who was dramatically raging about a peer, saying things like “I really hate him, I just want to hurt him! I’m so angry!!” Out of nowhere, it was like a knee-jerk response…I said, “I admire you for KNOWING that you’re angry.” Why? People can go for a lifetime without realizing how they are feeling. How can anyone begin to move forward without knowing some basic things about themselves? It was a moment I’ll always remember. So, I admire you for being aware of your feelings.

Anyway, you’re asking for advice. First, it’s heartbreaking to hear that you feel you’re god’s mistake and that you need to rectify his mistake by taking your life. What seems more realistic to me is that you’re experiencing the mistakes of your parents (maybe not getting support and healthy attention from them) and you feel the consequences of those mistakes as if they were coming FROM you. It’s not uncommon for us to internalize the problems of our parents so deeply that we come to believe WE are flawed because of their problems. Also, you just lost your friendship support system which means you have to find other means of support. So, it’s not surprising that you’re feeling down.

Now for the advice, as you requested: Allow yourself to fully feel the pain you’re experiencing. Posting here is a great start. You’re allowed to feel the way you do. There’s no reason the circumstances you mentioned should bring feelings of happiness. We’re here to listen to as much or as little as you wish to share. Sometimes knowing that someone hears you can open up even a little “wiggle” room to help you stay alive a moment longer. And when one is so far down, getting from one moment to the next is sometimes the only realistic way to get by for a time.

So, thanks for posting. I hope you’ll experience brighter moments ahead as you seek support.