I promised I won’t do it, so instead I live this torture… knowing I’m unlovable, knowing that I will never understand things the way they should be understood. I’m supposed to pretend everything is ok and my positive outlook will suddenly transform into a positive life… it hasn’t happened yet, so why should I believe it to be true. I don’t want anything anymore, no dreams, no aspirations… when I make promises, I keep them. Once again, I’ve lost nearly everything I hold close to my heart. I don’t want to keep going on like this… but I will, […]
Tag:
Aspirations
i am in pretty bad shape too man….i can feel you and see how many you and me there really are, imagine the total grief and helplessness and hopelessness in this world man, it is enough to be a world in itself, maybe that is what hell is. maybe hell is the collective weight of all peoples’ failed aspirations, expectations and dreams, maybe hell is the all weighty almighty DREAM that was never chased. it just lies there, emptying slowly, its mass and thickness invading all that comes in its way, it comes inside you and me thijs, through the nose, close your eyes all […]
“I don’t understand why we must do things in this world, why we must have friends and aspirations, hopes and dreams. Wouldn’t it be better to retreat to a faraway corner of the world, where all its noise and complications would be heard no more? Then we could renounce culture and ambitions; we would lose everything and gain nothing; for what is there to be gained from this world? There are people to whom gain is unimportant, who are hopelessly unhappy and lonely. We are so closed to one another! And yet, were we to be totally open to each other, reading into the depths […]
I keep running
running away from my problems, running toward my goals,
running to anywhere, everywhere as long as it’s not here.
I should take a moment to look at where I am at, but there’s no time.
I have to keep running.
I’m chasing and being chased.
The past is on my heels as I try to keep up with the future, the present.
But now always changes and quickly becomes the past just as I realized it is the future – it was the future.
Run.
I run towards my dreams, aspirations, […]
Gives pain to those that are weak and can come out stronger. Endure and take as a reminder that the earthly ties of anguish are still knitted, and no human can untie what was tied by a supreme being. only the spirit and hand of it who laid the blocks and keyholes to that castle has the right to stand and move in it.
I wake to the sound of sadness and betrayal from a thought far far above. Understanding is all I will never get, actions turn to regrets. I lay, in a room, the ceiling is a dark night sky hidden from shooting stars. […]
Deafening echoes reverberate off the walls.
Walls painted black by years of neglect.
Walls forming a very small room.
With a floor made of long-lost dreams and aspirations.
No door.
No window.
No light.
Beautiful.
In the center of the room, I sit.
Unable to think clearly.
Why is it so loud?
I only need a moment of peace.
What I wouldn’t give for a moment of peace.
Unable to open my eyes, for fear of what I might see.
And when I finally muster the courage, I wish that I hadn’t.
Filth.
That’s all I see around me.
People living meaningless lives.
Blissfully ignorant.
Secure in their […]
So I have been feeling depressed for a while now. I wouldn’t really say its constant, my emotions are a bit of a roller coaster.see, I feel like I’m gods mistake, and that I have to put his “mistake” right by killing myself. The worst part is that I know I’m just being too much of a dramatic ******, but I can’t help it. I have recently moved schools, leaving all my best friends, and now I’m growing apart from them. Not only that, but everyone at my new school thinks I’m gay. Even my “friends” admit that they think I’m gay. My mum gave […]
I am not feeling like it right now. That nagging feeling of pain, that would just fly around my head, I would try to swat it and it would stay there, flying.
I am content with that, and willing to live, but every once in a while I feel this crushing feeling, this little voice in the back in my head, that no matter what, I will fail, my dreams, my aspirations will just fall flat on it’s face, that my 17 years of life have been futile, worthless, an utter waste of time.
That the education system was rigged for me to fail. But right now? […]
am I supposed to keep going:
– when it feels like my drive to desire is broken (desire being the root of action) ?
– when my ego’s been getting weaker for the past 5+ years ?
– when my mind cannot generate meaningful goals etc like it used to ?
I wanted to become a psychologist when I started going to college (sept. 06) .. it was my only and meaningful goal, my door into the future
I got to experience mental abuse & other bad things in an environment I started to hate .. unfortunately, I had no other realistic option than […]
i’m a 16 year old girl. never done anything bad really, except for white lies and secret boyfriends (from my parents). But I guess it is what has led me to how I feel now.
It’s started since 6 years ago when my sister became a disappointment to my parents. And well, coming from a South Asian culture, stereotypical, it had to do with the influence of the Western society, new found independence (she was 18) and lack of grades. It costed my parents a lot and that I understood. After that year abroad, she had to return to India and took my mother with her, I […]
The pressure is building, and I am about to fucking explode, but I know that if I cut then I’ll be alright even just for a little bit while I stain my arm red. I want to die. But if death would bring me peace then I don’t deserve it. I can’t feel anymore. Does this make sense? I have gone completely numb. All i have is the memories of the actual emotions. but it’s almost as if they are scratching the surface, and maybe if I cut they’ll come seeping out so i can feel again.
Why am I so alone. I feel so empty. […]
For too long i have kept up this charade. Pretending to be happy when im not. Im probably like alot of people…for a long time, everything seemed to be going ok, and i had dreams and aspirations and a plan for my life.
But, somewhere along the way, i failed. And i dont have any resentments about it, i know most of the reason as to why i failed rests with me. Im not perfect, im sure if i worked harder, i couldve accomplished more, made something of myself. But, i didnt. I understand that, and thats not what really bothers me anyway.
For too long, my […]