I know people would say I’m far too young for this… but I just feel a random urge to finally just say something… of Course I’ll feel guilty for writing this but I sort of just need to… just simply leave this somewhere…. but well… ever since I was 7 as I can remember fairly is when things in the family started to go really badly…. and all of a sudden my grades had dropped from A-B’s to C’s… even now currently I’m currently pulling B’s C’s… my entire heritage is 100% asian… and Ironically my parents are the type of people who wont find an A- to be acceptable… and even further I get hit for getting B’s…. but continuing on… when I was 7 my parents ( who were and are now Catholics ) told me that I was a Devil…. and I was simply a burden for them and that I was entirely insignificant…. and furthermore I tried to run away… Ever since I began being a recluse and barely had any friends… I always kept to the internet if I needed anything… Along the way now, in 8th grade things have gotten worse…. still on with the beatings, and on with the times I can cry in a corner of my room, but they still somehow make me feel truly it was my fault… that I had ruined there lives…. and one night I slammed the floor while my dad went to go pick up my mom, and I eventually rolled over sobbing… saying that I was sorry…. I couldn’t be as amazing as my older brother… Applying for highschools are even tougher… because my parents forced me to apply to a school called Lowell in SF cali… and its such a highly demanding school… I know I’m not brain dead… but I’m still not material for huge schools like such…. and I have a feeling I wont be accepted and even a further disappointment to them… to make it worse too, and first I’ll point out I’m an atheist, and my girlfriend is a J.W ( Jehovah’s Witness )… a note about her is that she knows little of the faith… and the only reason she is part of it seemingly, is because her parents had persuaded her into believing it with bible studies etc…. She was the one person I could… only sometimes talk to about everything thats gone on… and even sometimes about the times I’ve tried to commit suicide by hanging… because its the only means I’ve been able to really have access to that I don’t fear as much…. But now she’s began to go further into her faith…. and we discussed… about the future… when we’d get married and have kids… and she firmly decides no matter what, she wont do anything that breaks her faith… even if the kids pleaded her… she even said “If they dont get to participate, and they’ll feel excluded it’ll only be for a day and so who cares.” She was so kind… caring… and before religion interfered she was so devout to helping people close to her as if you truly only live life once… and now she’s gone and thrown away her dreams to become famous, or aspire to something important because it would be against her faith… and even moreso she said she’d willingly pick god over anything… even me…. and it felt so hard… to feel that the one person who could truly care about me suddenly rejects me for something she has just began to learn about it from her parents…. but again I can’t blame her….. but I just … have to rant… because I find this so sad…. that here I am… ending up ranting that wont do any good… and drinking a bottle of red wine by myself… ( look at that an alcoholic at age 14, got it from the garage… ) I know this is really crappy… or people might think I’m just an attention whore… but I honestly appreciate being put into place…. no sarcasm… seriously…. I’ve always been servile…. and at this point I feel so confused… because I have nothing by my side to cling to anymore…. and I haven’t the proper grounding to even stand up….
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Hey hey.. I know of a few Asian people who have had difficulties like this with their parents expectations and ostracizing them from the family for weird stupid evil reasons, south Korea has one of the highest rates of suicide because of these reasons and so you are not alone the vast majority of the rest of civilization and I say CIVILIZATION not just mankind are on your side. Just because people are your parents doesnt mean they are right to behave any way that they want.
If they abuse you, seek help. It might seem like it tears your family apart, but it is not okay to feel like you want to kill yourself & you ought to seek help – try the school councilor. It is worth it if you cannot handle the home situation. For me my childhood was like that and I went to a councilor. I regretted it at first but I am glad that I did it now to look back ten years later at how I was treated I feel actual pity for my past self and wish someone had helped sooner. By the way I left home when I was 16 and my grades got way better because I didn’t have home drama anymore. Not saying you should do that but don’t blame yourself for poor grades if your parents make you suffer so much. It is hard to find joy in your accomplishments if your only motive to succeed was fear.
As for your GF she sounds young and confused. Don’t fall for anyone who follows religion blindly. Yes she is doing what her parents want which is nice, but she is too young to understand what she is doing. Plus relationships come and go (except for the last one which is supposed to be ‘the right one’!) don’t get too hung up on her. If you don’t feel like you can get on board with her JW stuff (pls don’t, blind faith is really weird) then tell her you need a break.