http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qH6iRec4TvI&feature=youtu.be
this is the video of my story, please watch it. its wat has happened in my life. please. im all alone.
Family & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurvivePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors
32 comments
you are really pretty and i like your hair.
haha, im not pretty and i hate my hair!!
i watched your video – it’s touching and honest … although your physical body may be limited in it’s abilities that doesn’t mean you can’t have a full and happy life – look up Stephen Hawking – the point is the mind can be very powerful – use your strength – and yes – you ARE strong – to focus on what you CAN do … not what you cannot – it’s never too late – let what other people think and say be their problem within their small minds – not your problem – all that matters is your truth
pain dawg
Lol I like your hair color and you are too pretty, lol trust me im little miss perfect at my school *rolls eyes*
thankyou, but i no longer have energy to be *happy* it is too late for me. i have already given up.
BTD–I’m sitting here with tears running down my face, having just watched your video. I’m 50; you’re 15, but you helped me so much! I too have been bullied and had my reputation sullied, i’ve felt extreme humiliation that i’ve internalized. You talk with such genuineness, such empathy, such inspiration. I see you as a minister or therapist.
You’re struggling so actively, it’s so hard, you’re trying to be brave for others but you’re crumbling. From the little I know, it seems like you need better pain management and emotional support from someone more objective than your family. Someone needs to hear how badly you hurt.
I want to reach out a virtual hand to you, to offer my support in whatever way might be helpful.
thank you 🙁 but all i see in me is worthlessness. i made that video so people out ther who is in the rough patch kmows there not alone and that no matter wat everyone is worth something….. except me. im sorry you went through that. its awful isnt it ? it stays with you for the rest of your life. there is three reasons why i want to die. pain, bullying and what i didnt mention in the video is i was raped when i was 12. no one knows. ive never told a living soul.
Hello BornToDie,
CRP can be triggered by a traumatic event…perhaps the thing you don’t want to talk about? But please don’t give up. I know for a fact that your pain levels have a lot to do with your state of mind…and that physical pain is heightened by emotional stress…and that depression can not only cause the pain to be worse…but can cause physical pain all on its own. Would not a mild tranq help to dull the nerve endings? And just in case you are not aware of this…spontaneous remissions from CRP can occur.
I also suffer from various maladies which cause decreased mobility and strength…along with basically unrelenting pain…but I find that the better my state of mind…the less pain I feel. I have also been miraculously cured of some of the more serious disorders. Turns out most of my physical issues…other than from injuries etc. are directly connected to traumas in my lifetime. I was sexually molested and raped myself at a very early age. I was always other…and I went on to be physically, verbally, emotionally and sexually abused for many years…until I got the proper help. The worst though was the self abuse…sigh 🙁
Just wanted to let you know not to give up…don’t give anyone the satisfaction. I know it’s hard…but if you can handle this…you can handle anything…and you could ultimately get relief from your pain.
I remember a while back…my doctor told me he was sorry. Why? As he said…if i could put a cast on your pain people would be more sympathetic…but they can’t see your pain…and we haven’t figured out yet how to cast a broken soul. That made me cry…sob really…but I haven’t given up and neither should you.
What if anything gives you respite from the physical and emotional pain? Just curious.
Here if you want to talk
Keep your chin up
Amakua
Thank you for sharing your story. you are inspirational and i hoope you do find happiness. Much love <3 stay strong
thanks, and if crps is caught early you can go into remission but mine was caught to late and there is no chance for me to go into remission. sorry to hear about how awful it was/is for you.
thanks sunflower.
I can see your hurt, though of course, I can’t feel exactly how you do, I can imagine its awful. Don’t let crps or words, or feelings, or thoughts, or other people define you and determine your worth. Life is for you. No one else matters in your life unless you want them to, this life is yours and onnly yours for the taking. Physical and emotional pain aside.. there is so much hidden strenght that can come from this and I hope and pray you hang on long enough to find it. Find the you that you always were before this illness, before those bullies… the person you were when you were 1 day old.. you can get that girl back, shes in there.. waiting for you to let her know its safe to be alive again. It may take years and a lot of therapy, pills, work, whatever the case may be to get back to yourself. Don’t aim for happiness.. just aim for ridding yourself of the hurt to a point you can fight it off for good, then everything will fall into place… everything wil make sense and you will find out that you have been that amazing, beautiful, WORTHY, girl all aloong… just held on to everything they said and did as your core believes. They didn’t come from you.. your heart… your soul… they can be removed, and you can find what really matters to you, find love, peace…. happiness. I love you, send you my hope.. and I hope you fight… no matter how tired you are… because I can tell you are worth it, I know you can get through this… but you got to fight, even when you can’t see or feel anymore.. thats when the strenght will push though and you will see how far you have come… how much you have been through, made it through… the pain inside are scars from battles… but they were all battles WON. The war is not over until you say it is. It can keep going on and you can win, win your life back. <3
thankyou, but i dont know if i can win this fight.
Just win the fight for today. Just today.
your a really sweet and pretty girl I love that you’ve been put through a lot yet your still able to put a smile on your face I just wanna say keep your head up not just for you but for the people you love
well the way todays gone there wont bea tommorrow for me. i think my life is going to end sooner than i thought. thanks for trying to help but now im going to over dose on my meds. sorry and thanks eveyone for trying to help.
oh and nearly forgot, good byyee. i care and love you all. keep strong.
don’t!!!!!
sorry but i cant do it anymore. i just had a major pnic and pain attack. its honestly not worth it. why should i not ? all i do is cry and scream! in that stuffed up video i only just managed to hold myself togetther! but now i cant. its awful and im not good enough. im sorry. sorry for wasting your time.
its not wasting my time your a angel that hasn’t found her path yet don’t do it your a beautiful girl whos life is will improve
my life wont improve!!!!! my life is over. its gone. i cant live it. i have 30 strong pain/sleep/anti depresiant in my hands ready. its my time. im no angel. im just a selfish pieace of shit. im not worth it one bit. i have found my path, my path is too die. i was born to die.
no you weren’t you were born to live your life no matter who puts you down don’t take those remember those who will miss you && only god will say when its time for you to go don’t do it today.. please
why, im on the ground just screaming and crying. im home alone, scared, and just throwing up all over the ground because of the pain and not being able to breathe. just afew gulps and i can be gone. if god were true he wouldnt make anyone suffer like this. i can bearley breathe and its getting harder and harder. why cant i get the guts and gulp down these pills! 30 gulps and it will all go away but y!!!!! i could cry a river! i have cut my arm over 70 times today! 30 of those in the last 5 minutes! i cant calm down! i just cant. if i dont do it now then im jst a gutless coward.
not bring able to kill yourself a coward and just don’t I lost so many people for this and hurts to be able to say I had chance to save you and I didn’t try hard enough I lost my boyfriend last month the last thing he told me was he loved me I cried for days and still do and I cant stand to think that such an amazing girl can just kill herself please don’t
im so so so so sorry! but how can i handle this ?
well I cant change your mind can I?
15 reasons why
1) family
2)future family
3)friends
4) you can be happy if you get help
5)help others survive
6)your own goals
7) love
8) future experiences
9) be the person you want to be
10) see parts of the world you have never seen
11) have fun in whichever way you do
12) see the world grow
13) This pain is temporary
14) we can always sleep and wake up to a new day, and wash away the past
15) for us
Sorry I couldn’t give more reasons, my brain has shut off, but as I saw this post I wouldn’t let a fragile heart die.
ahhhh umm what should i do ? wats right ?… and rathernot the pain is not temporary its for life. i dont know wat to do ? live or die? i cant stop crying and i just want the pain to go away! i dnt knw wat to do 🙁
live
for now. ill just depend on cutting and burning my skin for now. sorry for wasting all your time, im jsut a worthless girl who wants help but cant speak up.
Everyone here has been impressed by you and see you as talented and valuable. Something really awful happened to you that you’ve never talked about except to mention it here. You are in all sorts of pain and I FULLY believe your physical pain is real. But come on, the universe is knocking on your door and you’re turning a deaf ear.
If there ever was a time to speak up (and get counseling for the abuse and everything else), THIS IS THE TIME. The overdose won’t speak for you. Use your own articulate words to speak up. Now the question is, who to tell?
@Born to Die
Wow that was a little to close to home. I am so sorry about your pain. I know, not exactly the same, but something similar. I have an abdominal issue, basically I can feel every heartbeat in my stomach, sometimes it really bad and I cant sleep, I cant really exercise because I feel like im having a heart attack and when I get nervious it is magnified by the stomach thing to the point where I cant focus or think stright. No one can see my issues, Most people think I am faking it. My doctors say there is no cure or treatment. So get that much at least.
Dont let the world get you down btd. Your family loves you so you must be a good person. I wont tell you what you should do, but I hope you can see that you cannot predict the future, they may find a cure, new medicine that makes life more bareable. You just dont know.
My cousin had some type of desease from birth where he slowly lost the use of his body starting at his feet it progressed to his chest where is heart finally gave out. He was 21. He knew his time was short and he went to college and got a degree before he died.
I have more respect for my cousin that I can express, he was an amazing person.
I hope you dont give up.
I hope you will one day find peace and happiness.
ILU Ruins
PS, you have a pretty smile