unable to control my anger

I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with being mad. Being angry means, in my opinion, that you feel someone or something is doing you an injustice, not listening, not caring, not taking into consideration your point of view, or sometimes it means that life absolutely and totally sucks right now.

Whatever your reason for being angry, it’s OK to feel it. Stuffing down anger or trying to avoid it does not help. Getting upset with yourself for being angry or thinking you have no right to be angry does not help. Expressing it and getting it outside of yourself does help. I always read suggestions like beat up a pillow or whatever, but for me, I have to scream. I have to curse (I drive around on back roads and scream sometimes…. I kid you not.) I have to go outside and beat the crap out of a stump with a sledgehammer. Sometimes finding another way to express anger stops it from coming out at the times you don’t want it to. I’m not saying you should not be angry at your husband or express it to him, but it sounds to me like you don’t want to, and that’s OK, too.

Of course you love him. Loving someone doesn’t mean agreeing with them all of the time or not being mad at them. I sense you are a good person, and I sense that you don’t want to hurt anyone else. That’s fine, but it sounds like you need to get out of you whatever feelings are in there however you can that makes you comfortable. Because, in the end, I don’t think you want to hurt yourself… and I personally feel that bottling up anger does just that.

I am listening if you want to talk.