I had a plan and that I was to go after I got home from my winter break vacation. I was still working on a method but I was going for bleeding out or an exit bag followed by an OD of pills. I want too make it so badly and I know that me giving up would only hurt those around me and would only push them over the ledge. I have been feeling upset and down. I cried all last night when I came home from dinner, I had made myself throw back up everything I ate. I was so ashamed of eating so much and I had too get it out of my system, and today when I ate lunch I didn’t even eat that much. I stayed up late last night so I did not eat breakfast because I had slept in. I normally do not eat breakfast anyway… I usually do not feel good after I eat in the mornings. I want too give up so badly and just leave. I think  that I have gone threw too much crap too give up but I know that if I do give up it would be okay for me. I do not want too keep going anymore because I am sick of trying. I am sick of doing this and I do not want too even live anymore.I do not even know whats left for me anymore. It’s only a matter of time before I go….. I am staying here and holding on for as long as I can….. I do not want any part of living period. I just do not even know how much longer really. I am doing the best I can and surviving which is good… The holidays really suck with out my dad I wish he didn’t get sick and leave the way he did I loved being away from the situation of my moms and just being in a better, safer, happier place. I know it  that upsets me that I never got the chance too leave and be free from my mom. I also can not stand the fact that I have too get talked about and picked on at school. being bisexual doesn’t make you different, loosing a parent doesn’t make you different even if I am young, being suicidal doesn’t make you different at all. WE ARE ALL HUMAN AND JUST COPE DIFFERENTLY THEN OTHERS AND ARE DIFFERENT AND THATS OKAY. just picking on someone who is a little bit weaker then most is what bothers me. I am strong enough too get passed this and some days I know that I can get passed all of this and be in a better place but I feel empty and upset, sad and pathetic, weak and can’t do anything… I sometimes even ask my self “why are you still here?” “why are you still trying?”  I have fought this battle for too long.
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But that’s just the thing…You’re fighting it, you’re trying, you’re surviving and succeeding. I’m sorry you lost your parent. I can’t imagine the pain. And there’s nothing wrong with your sexuality. People are just morons and judge those who they have no business judging. Hold strong, beYOUtiful, be YOUnique. I’m here if you ever want to talk
Thank you that means a lot too hear. you have too know that when someone cares it is just another reason why I am here… i struggle too stay here every day and I just want too scream and just say “fuck it” and just end my life… I am a broken girl who can’t be fixed and i feel so helpless and its only a matter of time before I stop fighting this battle because I am really done fighting and it just kills me that I am even here I just do not want too keep doing this I have had it and i do not know why… its a ton of things and its all coming down and hitting me in the face….
Hi. Please don’t give up hope. I’m sorry to hear that your dad passed away and that you get bullied at school because you’re bisexual. Everyone is unique and shouldn’t be tormented by others. You can tell teachers and the vice principal and they will punish those responsible. Don’t give up!
I know…I haven’t lost a parent and I say I’m straight, but honestly, I’m bisexual. I love guys and girls the same. I just haven’t told anybody. I have a hard time even writing it. I know everybody says this, but it will get better. Someday, we’re all going to grow up and go our separate ways. Just hang in there, girl.