Feeling pain.

I just come across this site and thought I want to contribute.

i have recently got back from hospital after my third attempt to overdose. As a child my parents were violent and drug abusesers, I was in care for a while made homeless twice by my mother. Beaten, emotionally abused. I lived with an auntie for a big chunk of time who also abandoned me at 13. My dad left the house when I was 16 leaving me to look after my 14 year old brother. My mum come out of prison and set the house on fire. As I have grown up I have done well in life but suffer deep pain that will never go away. Talking about things makes me an emotional mess. I found my first true love which was a seven year relationship and this has been abusive and emotionally straining for me but even though he was bad for me it was someone who I felt they loved me. About three years ago I found out I also got a long term illness and am now on medication to help try to keep me alive for a good few years. With my recent break up I took a massive overdose. The body is very cleaver though and made me pull through. I know it’s wrong but is a life of pain worth it? The medication I took was very strong and I am suprised I am still alive. I just don’t know why I want to let myself go through years of pain. I have recently met a really close friend but it don’t make this process easier, what’s worse is that my ex is still giving me false hope. As well as moving on with his life. My head is so messed up. I want the best for everyone else and I feel I’m worthless and just an issue to others . All three accounts I have tried to go have failed. One thing I don’t understand, I’m a really kind person and will do anything for anyone. Why do I have to go through so much pain constantly? Is it worth it?