I Hate Being Social

Recently I’ve noticed that the more social I become the more suicidal thoughts I feel. I was with my friend yesterday and I was fine but as time went on I felt so insecure I don’t remember my exact thoughts but I know that they were self-hating it’s funny how I get lonely yet I feel awful when with people I feel like I don’t matter which I really don’t. I really feel upset when I hear good news from other people like oh ” so and so is doing so well they’re doing (insert activity here)” it just makes me feel like I had more going for me.