I looked down at my thigh today and saw the faint remains of winter break left there. Over break my mental health deteriorated so quickly that I don’t have words to explain what happened. I had been fine, but suddenly all the negative thoughts came back and I was catapulted into my past self. Not only did it become okay to skip meals again, but I threw up whenever I deemed necessary, and even cut myself multiple times. I felt distant and uninterested in everyone and everything. I was constantly sad and saw no hope for anything. I dreamed of dying and finally being free. I wasn’t me. Luckily, within days of returning to school I had become my happy engaged self. Now, I’m here, trying to put together what happened. It was only two weeks, but it was the darkest two weeks I have experienced in awhile. Tomorrow I meet with my school counselor, we have weekly meetings so she can check in on me. I’m 17, a senior in high school. I don’t talk to my parents much, they don’t really believe in mental illness, they think I do it for attention. I’m debating whether or not I should tell the counselor what happened over break. If I tell there is a chance she has to call my parents which is why I am hesitant. So, if you were me, would you tell her?
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No..
Nope
I don’t know if you should or should not tell. It depends on if you trust your counselor. If you can confide in her, than I would. There is no support from your parents obviously. And trust me when I say I am certain your parents believe very much in mental illness. But in their minds, if they don’t acknowledge it, it will cease to exist. That just makes things worse. I will go so far as to say in my opinion they are the ones who are messed up, not you. You did not get that way on your own. But for them to acknowledge it may put in crack in their obvious lie that their family is perfect. I don’t know, I am just drawing from personal experience. I think it is good you are going back to school because it will distract you from focusing on your pain. If you can get help, please do so. The world is a better place with you in it. I know it feels impossible, but better times are coming for you.
I do trust her a lot, it took a lot of forced meetings with her before I trusted her, but as of now I really do. I don’t know how to make sense of what happened over break so I thought telling her could help me. I think I might tell her and explain why she shouldn’t call my parents, she is a reasonable person usually. I’m only afraid because last year she did call my parents more than once. Also, you are spot on when you said that my parents are trying to make my family look perfect, if they admit to my problem, they are admitting that they, as well as I, am not perfect. I’m done with my parents, I turn 18 in April and my relationship with them is not even on my priority list.
hell no!!!!
tell, but also ask to talk about your parents and how you feel about them denying you any support, because that must really hurt 🙁 If you look at it, you felt worse spending two weeks at home, but within days of being at school, distracting you, you felt better. That suggests your parents trigger your depression and so that needs addressing with your counsellor, even if you don’t tell all the details of what happened in the holiday (maybe you could leave out the worst detail so it’ll be less likely that she’ll call them?)
explain to her how your parents would react if she called them and that they’d only make it worse.
I’m saying tell because I think it will help if you can talk to her about how badly you felt over winter break.
I’m glad you returned to your happy engaged self 🙂 stay strong! <3
Thanks, I think I will use some of these suggestions! 😀