The word servant means many things to me, and it also relates to how i am seen in my family. I am 14 years old, and the youngest of my family. I have two brothers who are aged 20 and 21, and mum and dad who are in their 50’s. I hate how i am treated, but i also hate myself because of that and the fact that i have no friends. People in the family treat me like they only had a 3rd child so i could be their pawn. My mum gets me to do craploads of tasks, never communicates on exactly what im supposed to be doing, my dad also gets me to do a lot but is never happy, my brother (middle) has to rub in the fact that he has a social life, and my oldest brother is constantly rude to me, saying things like when youre not dumb and you’ve actually had a couple of experiences, then you can have an opinion.
I feel shut out. Everyone gets me to be their personal servant (and i do a LOT of work, where talking keeping our large house clean, doing laundry for 5 people, cooking, and doing 80+ hours on the farm) yet nothing i do is good. I get treated like im dumb, worthless, useless and annoying, and im always the person that cops any bad moods, especially from my middle brother who hurts me a lot. I feel like my family is a family of 4 plus a servant. I just feel depressed. The only thing i havent lost interest in yet is reading, because it means i can be somewhere where i get treated like my own human being and not a mindless servant. I just hate myself now. My dad is a particular problem, because he criticizes me for everything and even calls me ‘idiot’. Oh yeah, and i believe im delusional alot of the time because mum keeps agreeing with me on things then as soon as dad comes in she starts lying and getting angry at me. and theres also something else. Im under the suspicion that i may be developing bipolar disorder. my aunt has it so i decided to research it, and i discovered that i have many of these symptoms. Around one third of the tim im depressed, and occasionally i can get so depressed that i actually become delusional, like i think people want me dead and i can actually hear them saying things about me. Then sometimes im in a normal mood. Then other times im in this crazy confident mood where i think life is fantastic and have all these crazy ideas. Only problem is, my ‘episodes’ can last from anywhere to a couple of hours to maybe a week. So does that sound like bipolar to you? Im afraid to ask my mum to go to the doctors because she always poo-poos these things and i have never been to a doctors checkup. EVER. not even when i had pneumonia, i just sat on a couch alone at my grandmothers vomiting my innards up. PLEASE HELP ME, I JUST HATE MY LIFE, I FEEL DUMB AND I THINK I HAVE BIPOLAR< summary
7 comments
If reading is your “getaway”, don’t stop doing it. I know how good it feels to have a getaway where you just escape reality and stop thinking about how crappy life is (mine is tv shows and movies, and occasionally books). Try to read happy stuff, stuff with a happy ending – it might leave you with in a hopeful mood, sometimes that helps.
About you thinking that you might be bipolar, I would say you definately should talk with a doctor about it. I don’t know anyone who has it, but I have read and studied a bit about it. If you have it, you would feel like you live in extremes – either really happy or really depressed (although there are diff stages, not everyone is the same). The periods usually last in the minimum weeks tho, not hours (I think, then again, I’m not totally certain). Seeing a doctor (who obviously will know how the disease works) would help you. Medication is needed to balance out the moods (something about the hormones). Also, it might be genetic, and you do have someone in the family with it. Do you think talking to your aunt about it could help?
I hope I was able to help in some way.. If you need to talk i’m here 🙂
It definitely sounds like bipolar to me. Do you think telling your family how much they suck at being a good family to you will make them change? 🙁 I mean, they seriously treat you like a slave! You just deserve so much better… 🙁
Nope, iv’e tried that but they just attack me as a person rather then sort it out. ANd yeah you’re probably right i tried to talk about with my mum but she said i didnt have it end of story -_-‘ thanks for your support anyway 🙂
You’re welcome! I really wish I could help more, but…I’d love to listen if you want to talk. 🙂 Also, if you think of something I could do to help, don’t hesitate to tell me! 🙂
I…I really think you’re a wonderful person, and…I’m so sorry for all the pain you’ve suffered… 🙁
It sounds like you have bi polar. And im so sorry you have to do all that stuff for your family its weird that they treat you that way and its not fair to you and yes keep on reading reading is also my get away from real life it helps a lot. If you ever need someone to talk to or nything just talk to me im always around you can also email me tabiteata13@gmail.com 🙂
Many people can treat you like you’re nothing.
Those people don’t understand.
I’m an outcast too, my parents say they could be more free if I was never alive. I’m an only child too. So I guess they just want to be free as adults without a child to burden them. I try cleaning, cooking, but they want me to do more. So they say I am not a human being, even a dog can be more useful.
I think you mom says you aren’t bipolar is because she wants to avoid it.
I wish a could be there, You are a human, and you should be treated much better than this
Dead SOul, my not actually an only child 🙂 i have two asshole brothers