My mother pushes me to the point where sometimes at night, I grab a kitchen knife and head towards her room and stand there, and watch her sleep…I feel the urge to stab her, and just end all the misery she gives me….but cause I’ll be studying law soon, my legal sense kicks in…and I do not want to spend 25 to life in prison….maybe I should murder her, then commit suicide…pondering many ideas….but haven’t chose one yet..
And just now we were in the car…and she was yelling at me, because she wanted to go somewhere and I didn’t know where it was but some how she expected me to know fucking hell. I went the wrong way, and she started swearing at me, fuck sake, I’m sick of this life. As I drove, I thought about driving over the bridge, or pulling her seat belt and slamming the breaks……but unfortunatley i bit my tongue down…and kept quiet…
I wish I could move out. I want to move out, but she told me that if i did, she wouldn’t give me her blessing, and I had to pay for UNI myself. And I know being 19, and without a job at the moment, she has the upper hand. I can’t take all these added stress she puts on me…constantly she tells me, I’ll end up selling myself to live day by day, and that I’ll amount to nothing.
HOW CAN I GO ON, WHEN THIS IS ALL I HEAR EVERY DAY….
The only person that understood me was my grandmother, and she just died 3 months ago…. fuck my life.
I need help…I just wanna get out..before I do something I’ll regret….I don’t wanna be in jail….
fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk .
2 comments
Hi Danni. Please don’t kill your mom or yourself! I realize that she really upsets you, but you need her until you have enough money to live on your own. You will make a great lawyer one day, but only if you keep out of trouble. Have an adult conversation with your mom and explain to her that her behavior is causing you a lot of suffering. I’m sure she will try and be more civil to you.
One word–DETACH. She is not you. You are not her. She doesn’t matter. I detached for my survival years before I physically got out. The book Co-dependent No More may help.