why

I’m 13. I am severely depressed. Have been since kindergarten. No joke. I fake smiles every day so no one will realize what’s going on inside my head. I have 1 thing keeping me alive right now. His name is Monte and he is my boyfriend. I love him so much. And I owe him everything. If not for him I would be dead or constantly cutting. I have cut three times, times but they weren’t deep. I just recovered from two eating disorders. Anorexia and bulimia. I’m on medication for anxiety and depression. But all I want to do is take the whole bottle and die. I almost did it last week. The only.reason didn’t is because I didn’t think I had enough to kill myself and if I fail then I’m on death watch. I imagine what would happen if I killed myself every night. And every time nobody really cares. There’s one or two people who care, but the rest of the world just moves on. I need help or I am going to kill myself soon. i just can’t do It anymore.