WTF!

Tomorrow I’m seeing my doctors because they’ve made that decision for me and my grandparents have decided that they will make decisions and support other people’s decisions that have been made for me, even though I haven’t made them. Ok. Do I want to live like this? No. I can’t let some of my family members down. I can’t let myself down especially.. I’m no longer a nice person towards my grandparents. I hate their guts. They’re helpful to me because they have to be. I’m sometimes nice to them because I have to be. My two doctors nearly referred me to the mental staff the other day because I starteed getting aggressive towards my grandmother, and I nearly died from holding my breath too ong when I heard the bad news about my eye and how a lot more work needs doing to it. I’m not willing to get checkups for the rest of my life. I have no vision to make changes too. I want them to leave me alone until they can find a cure for my blindness. I want my grandparents to fuck off if they’re gonna try to run my life for me. I want Nan and Pop to die if they’re gonna molly-coddle me like a baby when it’s not necessary. If it takes two doctors to stop me from harming my grandparents because of their hurtful words towards me, what does that say of them, and my fucking life? I want a life and I’m not getting it. Some people want me to be nice to my grandparents, some people want me to tell them to fuck off. I want to tell them to fuck off. I feel like I’ve divided my family on this matter. I feel like telling my ophthalmologists to leave me alone or I’ll shoot myself. But if I say that, they’ll lay me on a bed and have a warden cart me off to the psychiatric unit. Then I’ll have both the staff of that ward, and my ophthalmologists looking after me! What the fuck do I do? Once my eyes are fixed enough to make me comfortable, I want the checkups to stop. I want my grandparents to stop breathing for me. They don’t listen when I tell them to stop managing my life and the way I do things, and my way of handling my life when I’m unwell, etc. If my guide dog was sick and I treated him exactly the same way my grandparents treat me, I’d be in so much trouble. Now tell me, what fucking quality of life is this for me? Aren’t things meant to get better. I know Rome wasn’t born in a day. I didn’t think that I’d be forced into the medical system for the rest of my life when they know there’s no cure for my condition. I just don’t understand any of it.