I still remember the times when nothing is too complicated (except for math) or too morbid. But now, look at my life. I like heavy metal and the colour black. I write poems that revolve around the theme death. I just came out of depression. And I want it back.
To say the truth, I came from a ‘perfect’ family. My dad has a good job, my mum loves all three of us and we siblings get along with each other almost all of the time. I get somewhat alright grades, around A to B usually, and I am in the school track team. Our whole family don’t do drugs, drink, fight, and my parents are still madly in love. I am 14 this year.
My parents and I talked about my depression once and I seem to have healed. And I was happy. We didn’t bring my case to a therapist or anything, and my life is still pretty good. But yesterday, I looked back and realised I am suicidal. Not a big surprise to me, but I also found out one thing about myself: I need depression. I feel empty and numb without it.
Some might say that I am a selfish little girl who just want attention. Yeah… maybe I am. What do I do now? Nothing works anymore, no one cares anymore.
2 comments
I understand that of needing depression, is like without it everything is meaningless and you are taken by a cold and selfish person. It should be normal right…? Just one more addiction, addiction to sadness.
well, although i’m gonna repeat a cliche, no one knows you so they can’t judge you. but at the same time, you’ve got to try to understand a little bit that when someone looks at what kind of family and background you come from, most people won’t be able to understand either. that’s just the sad fact of life, and i think we have all judged people or felt like we couldn’t understand certain people either. i think it’s best to merge those two perspectives, and understand that you have depression and that it is nothing to be ashamed of. i still recommend medication and therapy, but also waiting for people who understand you more than others.