Honestly, what is the point of hurting someone you loved? There is no point is there? & there never will be, do you understand yet? It wouldn’t suprise me if you did just use me. I’m sure yoy do that to all girls.. You said “i know how it feels! I’ll never do it to you!” that was jusy a bunch of bullshit lies? I’d honestly rather be dead then have to think of you, i fucking hatie it! Why did i have to go through this?! I’m beggjng you to stop but will you ever? Probably not. Will it eber be the same? Doubtful.. Why did you have to go off & do this
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What you need to understand about guys your age is that most of them only want one thing: sex. The other thing you need to understand is the vast majority of high school relationships end in disaster. Very few actually marry or stay with their boyfriends/girlfriends long after they’ve gone to college. Most go their separate ways as soon as high school ends.
With that in mind, I think you really need to evaluate how important these relationships and boys really are. As long as you’re trying to find validation in the arms of a teenage boy, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
They aren’t mature enough to actually love you, so it’s not that you’re worthless, it’s just that in their stage of life they don’t really have the capacity to hold down a legitimate, adult relationship because they aren’t adults. Their hormones are going nuts and all they can think about is sex, sex, sex. Understand that reality and move on.
The more you let teenage drama define your life, the more depressed you’re going to feel. Step back, realize that high school is a mere 4 years of your 80+ year existence, and stop putting so much importance on what guy has made you upset this week.
Here’s the truth: If a guy doesn’t treat you the way you want to be treated, dump his ass! Seriously, show yourself some greater respect and look for better guys. You don’t have to put out to be valuable. Value yourself and you won’t need to get drunk, get high, and look to others for your self worth. If you let people take advantage of you, they will. Be strong, know what you want, and refuse to compromise on what you want. If a guy doesn’t have the qualities you’re looking for, skip him and move on to one that does.
I realize most of this advice will be lost on you, but try to retain just a fraction of it. High school literally doesn’t matter. As you enter college and adulthood, no one will care who dated who during these years. All of the petty popularity contests mean jack squat in the real world.
I know you have a rough family life, I know you self injure, and I know you feel valuable when a guy touches you. To have just a little bit of time where you feel special is sometimes worth the risk that they will turn around and hurt you.
However, when you give yourself away so easily, the boy you’re with has no reason to respect you. You turn into an object to them, something for them to use and discard, something for them to get their rocks off while offering you nothing in return. You don’t have to be an object though. You can be better than that.
What you’re going through is what many girls who come from broken homes go through. They try to fill the void the family life creates with anyone and everyone, and it NEVER works. All your current behavior will grant you is more pain. You’ll lose your self respect because in some ways you’re teaching people that they don’t need to respect you to gain the most intimate parts of you.
Take back your pride, Kailee. You’re better than this. Just because your family treats you poorly doesn’t mean you don’t have value. The great thing about subjective meaning is the fact that we can decide what something is worth. If you decide you’re valuable and that you’re not going to tolerate being disrespected and used, then people won’t be able to take advantage of you. Decide that your body is special, decide that YOU are special, and that you don’t have to give it away just because someone asks for it.
Raise yourself to a higher standard and believe that you’re worth it. Teach people that you are not an object, but a valuable human being. I know it’s difficult to feel special when those closest to you say otherwise, but this is a time where you simply have to force yourself to respect yourself. Find new friends who will encourage you and make you feel good without having to compromise on your values.
I promise you, you will not find validation in casual sex. All you will find is an emptiness that you need to fill over and over and over while your self respect continues to decline. You matter, Kailee, and it’s time you proved it to yourself.
What happened Kailee?