Sorry I just need to vent…
I’d just like to start off with…like most people here…my life sucks…and I just really want someone to read this and care…because no one else does…
I think my life started going downhill at the young age of 5…when I started school…
School is Hell for me
I didn’t have many friends..ever..I got ignored…and bullied even then…it got worse every year…and still does. I still get bullied often and the teachers and staff at my school don’t care about us students at all. They just sent us to the school counselor or something which never helps…if someone doesn’t like you in my school, that rarely ever changes. Being sent out of class with someone you hate is just a waste of time. But then again, at my school half the class time is wasted doing absolutely nothing and teachers do nothing at all to make the childish people calm down…and I’m in all honors classes…you’d think we’d be the “calm” group. I guess not…
I try to ignore them all the time now…I really do. But the sadness, anger, and hate builds up so much over time and right now I’m the worst I’ve ever been…I just want to scream, or even hurt those people who make fun of me so much. People call me “crazy” “suicidal” “weird” and “stupid” just because I’m depressed. They do this even more when I show that I’m sad and they LAUGH. They think it’s FUNNY. I hate them all so much. I’m so shy and scared now because of all the bullying…when someone talks to me I get so nervous “is this person here to make fun of me?” “did their friends send them over to make me feel bad” because every time someone I don’t talk to talks to me, their little group of friends nearby starts giggling and laughing…and I don’t know why…also when I spend time with one of my friends people always say we’re “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” and make him feel very awkward…he doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore because of this…
Beside him, I have 3 other friends who I only see during the 40 minute lunch break…they are in different grade levels than me (I’m in 9th grade, their in 10th and 11th) I only think of one of them as a “close” friend but I’m still too scared to really be myself around him…I guess you noticed all these “hims” …all my friends ARE boys except one…so I get called a “whore” too…but I really am the completely opposite of one…but in all honesty, most girls at my school act like bitches or are weird to hang out with because we have nothing in common.
I also did have a best friend at my school…but he moved away…for some reason whenever I got a good friend they always had to “leave” “change schools” “move away” or find better friends. I do have no real friend I can be myself around now though…but I met him on “DeviantART” an art website where you can share your art and such…but in short, he lives too far away for me to ever meet him in real life…so we just Skype each other. Please don’t think I’m weird for having a best friend over the internet. ^^”’
Besides not really having friends, being bullied, and having a crappy school…my home life sucks and just got worse recently.
My parents divorced…out of both of them…I always hated my mom…and it’s not the childish hate every other “teenager” “ALWAYS” goes through…I have real reason to hate her. She completely disregards my feelings. She doesn’t care at all that I am so unhappy at school. I could live with my dad and go to a new school, start over as a different person and no one there would know my past of being “depressed” and I wouldn’t automatically be rejected as being a friend to anyone ( some people who didn’t even know me would hate me because of what other people told them ). She yells at me if I’m sad, screams at me if I cry, she threatens to send me to a mental hospital or therapist if I don’t “stop”. I don’t talk to her about school…or anything anymore. I try to avoid her at all costs. But still…I drop something…or forget something…and she fights with me…and when she yells at me, she says so many hurtful things…I can’t help but cry. I try SO hard not too…and then she yells even more…saying I “should have cried when you got that bad grade” or “should have cried when you did this” and such…I don’t have horrible grades…I only ever have trouble with math that is rarely a high D or a C…I never failed a class or anything…also she used to beat me when I was little…*sigh*. that and also she treats me like I’m “weird” or “suicidal” like people at my school. AND she goes and tells me to be social when we’re with family and then gets mad when I do because I’m so “weird” and talk about “stupid things” …sorry for jumping around a lot on this part.
But I love my dad…but…he’s different now, after the divorce, he seems sad and annoyed..less nice than he used to me. It tears me apart knowing the only person in real life who listens to me is sad. I can’t really do anything…I’m jealous he gets to be away from my mom. He’s really awesome to spend time with and we go bowling or to the movies sometimes, which is a lot of fun.
Anyway…my school life sucks, I have very few friends, only one REAL friend who I can only talk to on Skype, my home life sucks as well, my mom is horrible, and my dad is gone…
Sorry for jumping around so much…I get told when I write essays for school that I do that…I try to correct it but they still say I’m no better. Also I’m very sorry for how long this is… I just wanted to get it all out in one post I guess…I’ll really appreciate anyone who reads this or tried to give some advice to help…or even share similer stories…I’m glad I found this site…and if anyone wants to know my username on DeviantART I’ll reply in the comments…in case maybe you have an account and like to draw too… =3
5 comments
bullying is tough….it’s what destroyed my self esteem and im still trying to heal….im really sorry =( i feel sad…..coming on here…i cant stand seeing people suffer, i wish i could take everyones pain for them, and watch them live life the way it should be lived…im sorry….be strong..and dont push away those who realy care..theres got to be someone …. find a reason to live and hang on to that….be strong….ur stronger than u think…
thanks…I wish I could help the people on here too… ;~;
I just read your post, i think it is a good think you are venting. Venting is good, and you know what going somewhere to scream is not a bad thing. Screaming out loud, will release stress, anger and provide some comfort that you can get off your chest a bit more. 9th grade is a tough time – but the best thing i can tell you is be yourself. You will find friends who will have the same interest as you. Just be yourself, be happy that your are “different” or “weird” – everyone wants to try and fit everyone into the cookie cutter shape, but just be open and proud of who you are. Family life is different as you grow up, there will always be problems with your parents until one day when you are old enough to take care of yourself. Don’t let others get you down, most people who pick on or bully other kids usually do it because they are unhappy too. Keep your head high and remember don’t let other alter your happiness – never give someone that much power over you. i hope things get better for you!!! good luck
Hi Ally. I’m a supply teacher and I can tell you that it isn’t easy being a teacher. Sometimes, it’s soooo hard getting students to calm down and be quiet so I can teach something meaningful to the class. Sure, we can send a few of the troublemakers to the office, but if they haven’t done something really bad, then the office will send them back to class. If there’s a teacher that you are close to, you should tell him or her about how you are feeling and about being bullied. Teacher do like to help.
Venting is a really good way to let it all out. I do the same thing. And if you want to talk to me, I’m on deviantART too! :] its the same as my username here. I know you dont know me but your story is somewhat similar to mine. So if you message me, I’ll tell you my story and hopefully we can give each other some advice!