So recently I got my hands on some prescription medications and here we go again, that much I was tempted to take them and end it all. My outdated concepts came back to lure me. I even set the date in my mind. Thank goodness I decided to do some research first. And what I found immediately cast off all my doubts. Although those are quite potent drugs that do kill in an overdose, but however unsurprisingly, even in good combination it would take as long as 24 hours before death occurs. I certainly don’t have as much time, so I had to bitterly put them all away, for a rainy day.
I thought about what my family will be like after I die, the events that will take place following my death. That is not at all difficult to imagine. Each member of my family will turn on the other, blaming him or her only not themselves. There will be a great fight, a racket, with a lot of shouting, cursing, and probably some crying. Since I’m the only child in the family, have no brothers or sisters, all their attention is, undoubtedly, focused on me. And they dictate how I should live my life, have me under their full control. They think they are the masters of my life and will be such forever. Well they won’t. I won’t let them. When I die that will indicate the failure of all their principles and expectations, and their true natures that they’ve been hiding thoroughly under their innocent smiles, will finally surface. My idea is that it could be the best punishment for them to receive.
As for other people, well it’s hard to say how they will react. I don’t know many people, and even less know me. Since I have no friends, no one will miss or mourn or even remember me. Luckily, this isn’t what I seek. My classmates, they prefer to think I don’t exist, there’s a blank space in the place of my photo in their school albums. My former fellow students, they are a bit less egoistic. They say they envy me, but I know they only pity me. Â I’m an example of how one shouldn’t live their life. I am a fallen angel to my fellow students. They will be surprised if they get to know, they never expected such a miserable end. But deep down each of them will suspect I had it coming.
Personally, I think that death of any person is a little tragedy. Even if that person was never known and will be soon replaced by a better candidate to participate in the life. Especially, if that person kills him/herself. Then it’s not only their personal tragedy, but also the tragedy of the humankind as such. It’s the mess around that tipped them over the edge. It’s the cruelty and misunderstanding from the side of other people that they could no longer deal with. If we collect all the death notes that those unfortunate ones leave behind, it will become clear that tragedy is not just a word. It’s a whole matter.