rope, beam, stool, sits in a cardboard box, so a friend committed suicide by hanging, wife found him strangled on a beam located in master bedroom, been thinking about doing similar thing except its just me in the garage, my dad died when i was young, thats when i learned the true meaning of death, meaning your not coming back. told friends “hey i want to kill myself” in junior high, and high school, they looked at me weird yet it didn’t hit me as weird to do so. even my teachers noticed in my writing while doing essays in class. then i realized maybe i just wanted some attention, every so often i’d think about ways how to do so, drowning cause i know i can’t swim, blade nah takes too long to bleed in wrist, gun is quick but can’t get a hold of one, car crash? no i want to give it to someone as a memoir, i know death by rope! every night i would have the same reoccurring dream of me hanging my self and taking my last breath, with a plastic bag over my head, my legs swaying back and forth while the rope tightly wrapped around my neck as it is tied to wooden beam in the cold dark garage, then id wake up crying in tears sobbing asking myself “why do i keep thinking about this…?” i know god gave me life and for myself to take it away idk…still, it sits there waiting for me. rope, beam, stool
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Hi. Sorry to hear that you’re suffering so much, but please don’t hang yourself. Get help with dealing with your depression before its too late. You can beat this.
true i don’t want to die cause god gave me life, my fear is if there is hell ill go there for killing myself, i just can’t stop thinking about death…and i feel its getting worse, its a quick getaway from all the stresses in life and i don’t know how to cope especially since I’m so sensitive, at nights i can’t sleep till 3 or 4am other wise my mind will keep thinking about it. i tire myself out so i could get a good sleep, 2 members will die soon my mom 82 and oldest sister who’s ill. I’m the youngest of 10 kids so i feel i will witness all theres at some point, i guess thats what I’m also afraid of facing, the stress of money and relationship as well as getting old (midlife crisis) still single no kids bugs me and just adds more fuel to the fire. that I’m just wasting away the fact that my dreams and imagination as to how ill die the whole process including who will be at my funeral scares me. so is this what depression feels like, I’m a male i thought only women get depressed, my sister is and she’s way worse than me, but I’m still trying to live still doing things still working, while my sister just sits at home ill, not working, you can see in her face, and actually talking about death and attempted it. i haven’t given up but i feel I’m just a few steps closer , thanks for the story and the words
I once heard that feeling the need to kill yourself is not wanting to die. It means that your nerve system is telling you that your emotions are too high at this point and your mind can’t seem to deal with them, so it finds a way to escape and exactly at that moment you think : I WANT TO KILL MYSELF.
The next time that thought crosses your mind, try thinking: It’s just my mind and nerves messing with me. I don’t want to die. I’m just feeling too emotional to deal with stuff. To get some sort of an outlet try having a fit (without really hurting yourself or anyone else). Try throwing shit around, scream at the top of your lungs into a pillow and bang your hand on a table over and over again.
I know this sounds stupid and chliché, and like you’ve heard it all before, but really think about what it means : You dont really want to die, it just your minds and nervous systems way to tell you that you’re overfilled with emotions and you need some sort of escape. And feeling like that every once in a while (maybe even everyday) dosent have to define your life or your day.
I’ve never even met you and i care enough to write a fucking essay as a comment to your post. So think about how much people who know you and care for you would feel if you did something to hurt yourself.