Shitty Mood… Shitty, dreadful, doesn’t matter.

I’m feeling angryt as a fucking stampede whether that makes sense or not. I’m feeling “bipolar as fuck”, thats my self evaluation. I drank a Monster Energy “Supplement” and it has me hyperactive, and feeling extra shitty. I want to blow off steam. I tried talking to the SP chat, but they are on their own tangent and tending to their wounded and my mind was too fastpaced to even comprehend their acknowledgement of my current condition.

Dont tell them I’m complaining about them,, I really am not, I’m complaining about myself and shit thats going on in my head. I need some sort of release and am hoping that you can somehow help me. Too bad there isnt a squad of moderators or therapists on this site that can act fast upon my insertion of this post. My moms bf is at a bar, an irish pub haha, drinking his ass off. He is considered a recovering alcoholi, but hes still drinking off his ass, and he is going to be using my moms car to do it.

I have som many things to do right now, theres ballad and stuff… jk I have drivers permit and liscense due by march 5 which is the due date for a court hearing that in need to go to for speeding and lack of a liscense. I also need to find an internsite since the deadline is on March 11th. My 18th bday is coming up and I realized something to do with bdays.

Because my dadf didnt celebrate holidays nor bithdays I suffered in that sense. (my hands are cold right now). My DOB would come and go as it pleased through the years. That in turn aided my depression. Why make a big deal out of a year older, if it means one year closer to death. It held no significancee to me. I got a year older and i was socially awkward. This in turn kept my self estee done. I remember 1st or 2nd grade where my brain kicked it up a notch and I found out that my parents didnt see my test score as extremely exciting. He looked and smiled then looked away i noticed that reaction on my face as well. Soon thereafter i stopped caring as much for having a sense of accomplishment, my work ethic slouched to a low, and my grades suffered. I still learned a lot, being a spelling genius until later on when these words became to hard for me to learn on my own annd my test scores would be b range.

Even now I somehow can “guess” or “infer” all my questions, and figure out the key facts with little brainpower. I guess its the same as giving stoners weed and letting them become engineer so they can get high with it. I use enough brainpower to get by. Anything that requires more isnt worht it. getting a girlfriend through the internet or texting using a phone or even yelling from across the street, i did that with Azalea who lived across the street from my cousins and Katie (Kati in spanish) in mexico with my family there. My cousins friend Lizzie my first gf we talked through text. I have tried to pus myself to the limit but cant get myself to ask Janel or anoyone for that matter our.

This in turn has led me into a socially awkward state. Homework and classwork i rarely do… I want to fix it, but I even lack the motivation (and the motivation to get motivated) to do something.But  I digress and shall try to find something to do thanks for listening…