There is something wrong with me…I’m just not sure what it is. Most of the time I’m sad, and at other times I don’t really feel anything. It’s like I’m numb. Maybe I’m overreacting or just really dramatic but it’s been this way for almost two years now. I always have thoughts of killing myself. The idea of it scares me and usually when I am thinking about doing it, I talk myself out of it. I’m scared that one of these times I might actually go through with it and then what? I know my family would miss me and so would very few others for a little while but eventually I would just become a memory and matter less than I do right now..if that’s even possible. I’ve cut myself in the past but it doesn’t help. It just makes the emotional pain go away for a little while, but it leaves a cut that reminds me everytime I look at it, just how messed up I am. I’m not one of those girls who everyone thinks is beautiful because no one really notices me and no one wants to be with me unless its for a night. If that. I have a few friends but they have better friends who always come first and I know that they don’t really care. The one guy I’ve been inlove with for years doesn’t love me anymore and it hurts so bad. Only one other guy has made me feel the way he did, but he doesn’t want to be with me. He wants someone else, and that itself is one of the worst feelings in the world. I just don’t know anything anymore. I don’t know what to do, think, say, feel…I’m confused and really messed up. I can’t eat a piece of fruit without breaking down and crying because everytime I look in the mirror, I want to make myself throw up. I hate my life and I don’t understand why I have to feel like this all the time. I just want to be happy.
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Hey 🙁 I can totally relate to this story and I would like to talk to you email me if you can ravinaa_maharaj85@live.ca
I believe it is possible for you to learn why you hate your life, and while you feel like this all the time, and why you want to make yourself throw up every time you look in the mirror. As far as i know, all those things are very unhealthy. Yep, it just seem like a health issue to me; you know, like flu, like having a cold, – but this one is about your mind. If i’d were you, i’d look for qualified, intelligent, reputable doctor who is skilled to heal this type of health problem – psychologist or something like that. Our brain is the most complex thing, and there is no shame if sometimes it starts to cough, so to say. Because nowadays, ecology, and pressure within societies, and not so healthy food in most stores around, and lots of other things, – they all wear and tear us down bit by bit, and not everyone has genes so amazingly strong that their immune system can fend everything off.
Or you can just go as it is and eventually die due to it; after all, some people never go to doctors even when they are hit with cancer and just chose to pass away. But it’s silly. Don’t do this; if/when you’d learn a worthy reason to kill yourself, then i’d be the first to say the words of support and encouragement to you, myself considering suicide for years now. But may be you never will, and for you, i see it’s quite possible life will become much, much better. You still have chances, i say not so bad chances, to meet your love one day. May be he’ll be ugly, may be he’ll be silly, may be he’ll be even more unhappy than you initially, – but together, world will change for you two; it happens, i’ve seen it. Just be careful when you’ll start to search for your true love. Very careful. Don’t trust easily, don’t trust any soon; and try to become friends 1st if at al possible. There is no greater love than love growing out of a good friendship.
Good luck.