Intro: finally exhausted with life, out of gas.

This is my first post here, and I’m just going to throw everything out there to get it all off my chest. It’s going to be pretty long – probably more of a reference for me to grab specific things from later on rather than deserving a full read from the get-go.

I’ve been unhappy for as long as I can remember – have always been one of the outcasts, even in elementary school. Since quitting high school in grade 11 because of a bullshit education system that manufactures cloned drones, I’ve managed to “deal with life” for the past decade. Without an education, I managed to get into the software development industry. I make decent money now, more than many people my age with a university degree.

So I’m getting on just fine, right? WRONG. I’m at the point where I can’t hold down a job longer than a year. I only managed 6 months at my last job, I’m now at 4 months at this place and I’m now “on vacation” – finishing up an allotted 2 weeks of time away that will probably end with me quitting with some stupid dramatic flair toward management.

I notice the complaints from most people here are that nobody loves them, etc. While I *am* lonely as hell, my issue is a bit of the reverse – I fucking despise humanity and wish for its destruction. Maybe I’ve been waiting for the past 10 years for that intense natural disaster to strike, so I can stand back and laugh at the world and the suffering of the human beings who pollute this planet with their presence. Sadly, no such disaster has struck – 7 billion of us still occupy the soil.

The funny thing is I’m not homicidal at all – I don’t personally want to harm others, but don’t mind giggling whenever harm comes in waves from something or someone else. Basically, I want humanity to end – so whenever I see a disaster and death, I don’t feel pity or sympathy… I just wish the death toll had been 1000x higher…?

Things I’m so sick and fucking tired of people for:

1. Abuse of the planet, especially animals. We don’t just eat animals. We breed them, do all sorts of rape-like things to them, and destroy them as easy as turning on a light switch.
2. Religion, science and technology. I despise them. “Medical advances” that save lives? They save lives that were not meant to be saved. “Survival of the fittest” is now “survival of every decrepit person that nature never would have preserved”.
3. The people who run the companies I work for. They’ve mostly been scumbag criminals who belong in jail with lifetime sentences. But they spread themselves so internationally that they’re prepared to jump ship and cut their losses if any government ever comes after them. I literally work for the scum of the Earth.
4. People on facebook jumping on the “animal cruelty” bandwagon. Posting day after day about “please help save this dog!” and “omg horse meat” and “save the poor little monkeys”. People pretending like sharing a fucking picture and link on facebook makes a difference in the world. Soooo fucking full of it up to HERE with people pumping up their self-esteem with meaningless bullshit.
5. Yeah, basically people in general.

If the government was willing to hand out suicide pills to whoever wanted them, I would take one without hesitation. Make it a lottery, and I’ll buy as many tickets as I can afford. Choose ME to die, I sacrifice myself for the greater good of the planet. We need billions of people to die to bring the Earth back to a balance. I volunteer to be the first to go. No recompense required. Just pick me.

Of course, society is not ready for that. So I’m left to ponder suicide. Performed my first “suicide test” last week, went better than I expected. Will likely be trying to properly follow through within the next month. Once I’m jobless and can no longer afford to pay the rent and bills. Sigh.